Move through the world as though it offers no resistance

I can't pretend I am unnerved by what happened just now. I can't keep pretending anymore. For that split second, I felt real. Something I haven't felt in a bit. The nonchalent act's wearing off. Fear. Anger. Guilt. Disgust. Helplessness. You name it. I felt it all. Just in that fraction of that second. Overwhelming? Yes pretty much.
It's not funny anymore. Especially when your mother begs that you get your act together. I don't know. How did I let myself mess up this much? My pirorities have gone awry. Nothing bothers me anymore. And that's not a good thing. I do what makes ME happy for the moment. Fuck the consequences. Fuck the people who matter. How did I let it go this far?
And yes my dear mother I am cold and heartless. You couldn't have put it any better if I must say so myself.