I marvel at how I can remain extremely positive even when things look bleak. Im proud of myself.

Something is missing from my life. I wish I could turn back time. I wish I hadnt said certain things that I did. I feel like eating chocolate cake. I want to strangle my sister right this very instance. I dont wanna get back to studying tomorrow.
So much for random thoughts.

Weird stuff I came across recently

Lingerie should always be red, because it incites the appetite. Its scientifically proven. (Who cares. Im not wearing any red lingerie. They remind me of the old tarts)

Parachuting kittens off a bridge is someone's idea of fun. ( What's the number for the SPCA
again. I hate people who play with animals- in the sadistic sense of course)

Being middle- class is beautiful. ( More money would be beautiful)

An old superstition- if you sewed on a Sunday when you were pregnant, your child was sure to be an idiot. ( That explains alot of things with me)

"She's really honest. You should see her strip"(stripping= being honest. Wow. That's new)

Walk through a fence and you'll miscarry ( And get your clothes torn. Not in a million years)

"Get pretty nails to scratch your boyfriend's back"(No way am I letting that manicure go to waste)

Love is weakness. ( I dont think it is. Right? It makes you feel vulnerable but its definitely not a weakness. It takes courage to love someone)

Why do I get the feeling that you want something from me? Really its darn obvious- the sudden affection. And WHY and WHERE do people get the impression that im damn havoc. Im not. Not even close. I get really amused when people think im some wild, party animal. I dont even go clubbing let alone every other night!

While looking for my maths notes, I happened to chance upon the cd Muru burnt for me. Listening to it brought a smile to my face. I miss him.
Prelims start tomorrow. I had better start praying. I studied but somehow I cant help but feel that its not enough. And im not done studying for lit or econs.

I think im going crazy. I nearly put two of my contact lens into the same eye. I nearly threw my phone instead of the sandwich wrapper into the rubbish bin. And I just nearly strangled my sister for irritating the shit out of me.
I have been swearing too much. I cant help it. Every small, seemingly insignificant thing gets to me.

Im ugly, dumb AND fat. I think im having self esteem issues or so my mother claims. Sigh.
My dad has to go for another operation. Which means he can forget about returning to his previous job. No more impulsive shopping for me or my sisters. Actually come to think of it, I haven gone shopping in a long time and I doubt I would want to. With my dad out of job, I don't think shopping's even on my mind.

I hate talking about the future when things are uncertain. Sure talks of marriage, having children, my future husband are interesting. And I dont deny that I enjoy talking about such stuff. But the thing is how many of these expectations are actually going to materialize. I used to take such talks seriously. I dreamt of the day when I would get married. I built up great hopes and expectations only to have my idealistic dreams shattered. After that I had trouble treading on hard, solid ground. Those dreams were so deeply embedded in me. Part of me still dreams of such things but im glad now there's a rational side to me. I dont want to end up disappointed again.

Went back to Bendemeer. Against my wishes. I swear I was all set to run back home upon reaching the school gate. I dont know why but as much as I enjoyed myself at Bendemeer, I just hate returning back. It was one chapter of my life. And now its over. But with that said, I cannot deny I did have fun. Met many of my classmates and yes I finally got to see Rabeeah. After goodness how long. Wished Siti could have made it but I guess im never going to be able to see her in this lifetime. Ha!
Strangely as much as I hate setting foot in Bendemeer, I feel more at home there than in Ny. The only reason why im able to tolerate Ny is because I have lovely classmates. I learnt alot in Bendemeer, beyond the textbooks- experiences and memories which will probably stay with me for life. I made a hell lot of mistakes there. Up to today, I marvel at my stupidity but atleast I learnt how to be wary of who I trust. At Bendemeer you see people from all walks of life. You hear stories you thought that only existed in storybooks. I naively thought that the horrors that occur in orphanages only existed in Oliver Twist til I met a certain friend of mine.
Up today, I still cannot give a concrete explaination why I went to Bendemeer instead of St' Margaret's but im glad i did. Im not ashamed I went to a neighbourhood school, for the experience and the memories I attained there are priceless.
And Rabeeah, better keep yourself free after my A's, we are so going out.