Yea. You are right. I dont know what's going on in your life so who was I to comment. Come to think of it, I dont know what's going on in anybody's life anymore. Not even Edlin's and to think I practically knew what the girl did for the last six years or so. Now, my life just revolves around school, my friends in school, my family and my boyfriend. Its pathetic.
Monday's my dad's eye appointment. The appointment that determines whether he has to go for another operation or not. Im keeping my fingers crossed. As much as I love my dad, I cannot take him being home for the next six months. Its depressing to watch him stare into space for hours.
Above everything else, I value sincerity the most. Im thankful that I met you. I never had to question the credibility of anything you said. They were simply put yet they meant a lot. Let's just say you set the benchmark for a lot of stuff.
I hate being sick. I think about lots of stuff. I cant help it, there's nothing else to do! And when I do try to organize my thoughts, they come out jumbled up like this.

Scandals, debates and econs.

Just yesterday when I should have been studying econs, I was thinking about how scary it is to meet the guy of your dreams after you get married. Not that I think that such a guy exists, I have long given up on finding the ideal guy.
I think such a situation is one of the worst kinds that you can ever find yourself in. Do you forsake for your family for the man of your dreams just because you feel he's the one and you share some kind of connection? What do you tell your husband? That you have met THE ONE?! Oh and if you have chidren, what happens to them? You cant possibly tell them that you are leaving your family for your 'happiness'. Which brings me to wonder what makes you so sure that you are going to be happy with the supposed man of your dreams knowing that you just left your family? Oh and the GUILT? Dont get me started on that.
Ah.. I just love internal debates. Extremely thought stimulating. Listing the consequences of inflation was a piece of cake after that.

Somebody kindly explain to me why I even bother. I dont need this unnecessary stress.
I feel like camping over somewhere. Im debating between the beach and some remote jungle- thing is I have yet to find a remote jungle.

Im cranky. I need sleep and cheesecake. NOW!

I cant help comparing. I know i shouldnt, its unfair but I honestly cant help it.
And today I had those same doubts and misgivings again. Im starting to worry. Things are definitely not looking good.

It all started with chocolate-chip mint ice-cream and now I have a craving for a million things. Donuts, Secret Recipe Cheese cakes, Eclairs, Durian cakes, Strawberry pastries, Apple pies and a whole lot of things that I cant remember now. It was too long a list. Damn my sister man. She just had to mention the chocolate-chip mint ice-cream. A trigger to my long under wrapped cravings. I need the cheesecake now. DESPERATELY.

Im afraid. Im afraid to let things take their natural course. Im afraid to hold on yet at the same time im afraid to let go.

I don't remember, I really don't. You prompt me, desperate for me to show some hint of remembrance. But there's none. I shut everything out of my memory bank a long time ago honey.

The morning was bad. Got all dressed and ready for school and then i realised that I suddenly could not breathe. And what's worst was that I could not find my damn medication. Been ages since I last saw the need to take it. sigh. The rest of day was not been any better. My eyes are puffy, my throat sore and im easily left breathless. Contemplating whether I should see the doctor.
Yesterday, I was in an impulsive mood. Thank the heavens that mood has past. Geesh. What was I thinkin? Here's what I contemplated doing,
1. Pierce my tongue. I dunno why but I thought it would be pretty cool to play with something in my mouth! God!
2. Get a tattoo. Somwhere near my hip bone. I have a weird fetish for tatoos. The only thing that's stopping me from getting one is the pain. Oh and my mother.
3. Run away to Paris and work in one of the high end boutiques. Clothes everywhere. HEAVEN!Now, I just wanna run away and be an actress. Hollywood here i come!
4. Cut my hair REAL short. But now that I think about it no. I love my hair to much. And I sure dont want my grandma questioning whether I had a sex change.