I realised that im a really complicated person. Yesterday, a good friend of mine messaged me, wondering if I would like to go out with him. Strangely earlier that day, I was just thinking about how nice it would be to meet him considering the fact that I haven seen him for more than a year. But upon receiving the message, my very complex brain started processing a hundred and one excuses to avoid going out with him.
Rani thinks im confused but Im not. Or atleast I dont think I am. Things just aint that simple as they appear to be. There's a whole lot of things to worry about other than the usual what the hell do I wear? Most people would call it thinking too much but I beg to differ- its called saving yourself from a whole lot of unnecessary stress and headache.
But come to think of, I kinda regret my decision now. Maybe I am confused.

Yesterday was Edlin's guitar concert and so I got the chance to meet a couple of secondary school friends. It felt good to hang out with them after a long time. I kinda missed all the times we spent together in Bendemeer. But I never want to go back to the past. Never
Whatever's the past, its gone. There's nothing I can do to change it, not that I want to though. I may have made some bad decisons then but I have no regrets whatsoever. The past is what I am today. I may not be perfect but im happy with what I am today (Ookay maybe not entirly happy but happy).
Oh and I got real irritated yesterday too. Everyone I met yesterday kept enquiring about him. How on earth would I know how he is? Im not his personal secretary. Then there was the inevitable question of what happened. I could just see it coming. Aargh. Which part of things just didnt work out dont people understand?? Fine. I admit even I didnt think things would end up like that but sometimes or rather almost always ,things are hardly in our control. Gotta learn how to live with that. It hurts but life goes on.
I desperately need chocolate ice cream. NOW.

Im tired. But I think I really need to stop slacking and get down to some serious, serious studying. There's like only 150 odd days to the dreaded As. Gulp! My maths suck, statistics is killing me. Aargh. Oh and my gp's crap. I hate facts. Give me some narrative essay to write and I will so just nail it for you. And there's so much to study for econs. Im sooo looking forward to the hols man.

My Decision

Yes, I knew that I had it all in my control. It was a make or break thing. I chose the latter...

Im tired, irritated and depressed. And to make things worse, there's econs tutorial tomorrow. Ugh! At 9. What God forsaken time is that? Aargh. And I thought I could sleep late.

Yesterday, I realised how much a simple message can mean to a person. One of my classmates had been absent from school for awhile so I sent her a message just to find out if she was ok. Her reply was rather unexpected. She was really touched cause she didnt really expect anyone from class to message her. Naturally, I felt good for having made her day.
I would blog more but im feeling rather sleepy. Think im suffering from insomnia. I cant seem to sleep at night but when I get up to study, I immediately feel sleepy. So, I go back to my bed- and I find myself staring at the ceiling once again. Sigh.

Lately, I have been a little too emotional for my liking. Yesterday was no different. I read one of the most sweetest poem ever and for some reason I felt really touched. Upon receiving it, I was close to crying but I thought, "No, Thulasi you so do not want to look like an idiot". And so thankfully I managed not to cry. But as I read the poem again at home, I couldnt stop myself. It wasnt the poem alone that made me cry, it was something else as well. Honestly, I really appreciate the fact that you put up with the crap I throw at you, my mood swings and my weird ideas. I know it isnt easy and I really appreciate it. Really.
Ok all the emotional stuff aside. Today I had one of the most fun p.e lessons ever. ( Trust me on that cause I just HATE pe! DETEST it!) We played captain's ball and though we were lagging behind by a good 17 points (kinda embarrassing though), everybody looked as if they were having fun. All I recall screaming alot at Edmund to stop stealing the ball from me, so much so that my throat hurts now. Lol. But seriously the guy's good. Looking at everyone today, I realised how much we have bonded as a class. We are so much closer than when we first got together as a class. Im so gonna miss you guys when I leave this damn school. Gosh. There I go again- getting all emotional.

For some weird reason, I couldnt sleep yesterday night. So, I decided to read Great Expectations (got 1 whole volume left. Darn!) but I ended up staring into blank space for a good hour or so. Sigh.
Sometimes I really wonder if im doin the right thing cause I just end up hurting people time and time again so much so that im beginning to be a pro at it. Maybe there's something seriously wrong with me. I dunno. I really dunno.
And I cant believe I just chose attending gp tutorial over a yummy MacDonald's breakfast. I must be mad!

My first blog entry. Feels a little weird, especially since its totally out of my character to let the whole world ( ok maybe not the whole world) know my thoughts. But I need an avenue to let stuff out.