I feel miserable. So much for acting tough. There's hardly anyone to talk to either, everyone's so busy. Sigh. Suck it up Thulasi.

Bus Rides

I hate it when someone seats beside me in the bus and automatically goes to sleep. I have to practically shake the guy when my stop's nearing!! And sometimes even then they will not budge. Geesh.
Oh and sometimes the guy's practically lying on my shoulder. I have to sit extremely close to the window. It's like i'm plastered to it or something.

Pick up the pieces

I can never understand why people commit suicide. I personally don't see it as the solution to any problem let alone the ideal solution. Either yesterday or the day before, this guy I knew( though not personally) committed suicide. I don't know the exact details but I heard he did it because his girlfriend jilted him. Everyone needs to know that your life does not necessary mean that its YOUR life. It does not mean that you hold the right to it neither does it mean that you can decide when you would like to take your life. I think many a times we forget about how interconnected our lives have become with the lives of others. Everything we do affect others in some way or another. Commiting sucide ends your pain, sure. But what about the people you leave behind? Who's going to help them deal with their pain and their loss. Commiting sucide is being selfish. I have no idea what people aim to acheive out of doing it. I have no idea why he did it. Was he hoping his girlfriend will regret her decision? But even then what's the point? Nothing can be done with him gone. The girl's going to bear this immense amount of guilt and it'll probably be with her all her life. It's not her fault yes. But the guilt's ineveitable. Would someone want to do this to the person they love? And what about his family? So what if some girl ditches you, there's a gazillion others. There's no way your family can replace you. If not for yourself, think of the people whom you love. Don't put them through this.

Spring Cleaning

I'm doing spring cleaning and I think I have enough magazines to start a shop. I have tons and tons of them. I'll probably give most of them away and keep the ones I really need. There's lots of kids outside my house now rummaging through my precious books. I wanted to keep them all. But my mum thinks I'm way too old for Enid Blyton!
And I have ALOT of weird books. 6 minutes a day to perfect spelling. Gossips and the Singaporean woman and Everything a young man should know?!! Geesh. Who's even reading any of this stuff.
I'm finding it difficult to even consider. I just can't. Contrary to what everyone thinks. Hah.

I may be a bimbo

I was toying with the idea of majoring in Political Science but now I think not. Geesh in lecture I feel like a total bimbo. I'm hearing stuff about I have never heard of in my entire life. That's still relatively okay. But imagine sitting there and going, " THAT'S A COUNTRY?! I didn't know that. "I hope no one heard me say that! I know nuts about politics or current affairs!!! Time to read up. LOTS!!
I went shopping today with Devi!! I think we ate too much. And then I ran to my crush. What's the chance of that happening?! =) I wanted to strangle Devi. She had to keep turning around and craning her neck at an impossible angle!! I was trying to hide behind my ice cream. Didn't help that I had to be facing him. Aargh!!!

I have been having the weirdest dreams ever! First it was about a big, black lizard, then about this group of guys I haven't hung out with in ages and today I dreamt that I was in labour!!
I meet someone. Kinda think he's ACTUALLY quite nice. I'm thinking finally a nice guy who just wants to be nothing more than friends. ( Who was I kidding?) And then.. Let's just say he turns out to be a little bit of a weirdo.
And then there's my other friend who pulls the disappearing act on me. Yet again. I don't get it. I haven't said or done anything that may have offended him!

School's started. It's not wonderful but its not too bad either. I'll get used to it. yup.
My phone's spoilt! Yet again. My sister's convinced I'm jinxed!! Every phone I touch spoils somehow. I think its just a matter of coincidence.

I feel really frustrated!! Every single thing bugs me from my sister to some idiot to the state of my hair. I should have gone out today instead of staying home. But going out has another set of problems that I refuse to think about now. Aargh. I'm gonna sleep til 7!

Log Books and Animal Rescues
I found the dreaded log book I had to bring to school every day in secondary school! The moment I finished school, I had to get my teacher to sign the damn book. And I had to be home within 15 minutes from the time the book was signed. And that's not all. Every week I had to let the OM check the cursed book. The huniliating part was getting my teachers to sign the book in front of everyone else. And the questions that followed that! Gosh! I'm gonna burn that book now!!! Right this very instant!
Yesterday, a tiny dog fell into the canal outside my house. I think something ought to be done about the railings surrounding the canal. Animals keep falling in every two weeks or so. Animal rescues are emotionally draining. Especially when you see the little thing struggling in the water and there isn't much you can do about it. The Civil Defense took some time to get there. What's the point of sending 10 officers after the poor dog is out of the water?! They did the same darn thing with the cat. They came only after it drowned. Thank God for the man from China. He just took off his shirt and jumped in! Hurray for him!!

Bids
I hate bidding for modules!! I absolutely loathe it. I'm at my nephew's house doing the bloody bidding. The cartoon in the background and him asking me which chicken rice is better is adding to my stress!!! I can't think about chicken rice now. But I'm a little hungry though.
Now he's giving advice on which module to take! Hahah! He thinks I should take health education. It's easy apparently. Hahah. Pity there's no such module. But I'm not gonna tell him that. I can't really explain this whole system to him now. Especially since I don't really get it myself.
He's wants me to check how many people there are in the world now!! Aargh. I should have stayed home. But this is the closest I'll get to hanging out with a child. Damn the bids man. I cant fully concentrate on having fun with him.

I like all things blond!!
I'm actually kinda getting used to school. Probably even liking it. But I'm not gonna admit that to anyone anytime soon. Or wait... Did I just do that?
I'm not going to sentosa tomorrow! I don't care if there are gonna be blond surfer dudes there. I dunno where my OG got the impression that I like blond surfer dudes!! Geesh! Must have been the bus incident! Hahah. I'm not going into details about the bus incident. Too embarassing.
I saw this really cute, little blond boy during Flag Day today. Pity I couldn't understand a single thing that he was trying to say. Oh but he dropped some coins into my tin can! =)

I have lots to say but I dunno where to start so I'm just gonna settle for.... SIGH!!!

ME

No expectations= No disappointments. That's apparently the equation. Quite clear cut. I kinda expected that you weren't gonna come back. I'm just a little disappointed. Not devastated though. So do I detect a flaw in the equation somewhere? I guess I have learnt to let things out of my control be the way they are. I can't do much. What's the point of feeling bummed over it? I'm gonna go out later and enjoy myself. I still wish you were here though.
I know I should give you a chance. But at the moment I want to be the one to make myself happy. I want to be the one to wipe away my own tears. I don't want to depend on anyone. And I certainly don't want to depend on you to see me through this. I need to sort out the mess in my life alone.

Rush

I think I'm falling out with everything familiar. It's a little unsettling. I'm talking to people I usually wouldn't talk to. Doing things that I normally wouldn't be caught doing. I haven't been anywhere near familarity until yesterday when I met Kuga and Xin Jie after school. Gosh I was so happy to see them! It's not like I don't see familiar faces in school. I do. I practically know atleast 1 in 3 people from primary school, secondary school, jc, tution, first three months and goodness knows where else. It's funny how my primary school friends can still recognise me!
I haven't had much time to do much since school started. It's one thing after the next. But I'm actually enjoying the rush. Reminds me a little of secondary school where i finished school late, rush to science practicals, then to band practice and then home to finish up my work. There just wasn't any time for anything else. I kinda liked that. It left me no time to worry about anything.