Im sleepy. Yawn.

Dorisa just asked me alot of questions that got me thinking about stuff. Do I regret? Honestly, I dont know. I choose to think that things happened for the better. Whether things happened for the better or the worse, I dont wanna think about it. I dont wanna think about it at all.
My lips hurt. There's this huge slit in the middle of my lower lip. Ouch!

Just finished a really screwed up econs paper. Cant believe I forgot how interest rates were determined. And it was just yesterday I read through that topic. Oh wait skimmed through it. Or would glanced through it be more appropriate? By ten yesterday night, I was hardly done with my econs revision yet I was happily singing along to the radio. This is alarming! Cause the Thulasi I know is one of the most paranoid people around. I hyperventilate easily. I get flustered most of the time. But it feels good not to worry about stuff once in awhile. Ok. Now for a mini reality check. The last time I checked, the As were 130 days away. Probably less now. In normal circumstances I would get a panic attack sometime... now. But weirdly there's no sign of it. And now its back to maths and lit. Sigh. Talk about not having a life man.
Oh! And I suddenly realised that I want to be a deejay!

Threes...
Thought I might as well amuse myself.

Three physical things you like about yourself
1. My height ( but im starting to wonder if being tall is good cause there's a shortage of cute, TALL guys )
2. My nose
3. My hair ( its subjective though)

Three physical things you dont like about yourself
1. My MINUTE eyes
2. My extremely short eyelashes ( some guys actually have longer eyelashes than me. Horrors of all horrors!)
3. My figure or rather my lack of one ( I'm much too chubby. sigh!)

Three things that scare you
1. Blanking out during the As ( I swear I will just kill myself if that happens. I ain't studying that hard just to screw everything up)
2. Death ( Not of myself dying but rather my loved ones)
3. Giving birth (Double OUCH!)

Three things that make you happy
1. Spending time with my loved ones
2. Dreaming
3. Food ( yes, ookay im abit of a glutton)

Three of your everyday essentials
1. My handphone
2. Milo
3. Hugging Sunshine

Three things you are wearing right now
1. An oversized tee
2. Shorts
3. Sweater ( my room's freezzzing)

Three things you want in a relationship
1. Trust
2. Commitment and security
3. Lots of love

Three of your favourite bands or artistes
1. Sean Paul
2. Alicia Keys ( She's HOT!)
3. I cant fit the rest into one slot

Three things you would badly like to do now
1. Sleep and not give a shit about econs
2. Cuddle up to a certain someone (*winks)
3. Go swimming

Three things about the preferred sex that appeals to you
1. His eyes ( They say alot about a person)
2. His built ( He doesnt have to have the hottest bod)
3. Sense of humour
Can I add one more..
4. A killer smile. ( That would just melt me)

Three ways you are stereotypically a boy
1. The way I sit ( my mum can go on for hours about how a girl should sit)
2. My unlady like way of stuffing food into my mouth ( though I must say I do a pretty good job acting all so poised in public)
3. My wardrobe

Three ways you are stereotypically a girl
1. I LOVE pink
2. I tend to get really stressed out if my hair isnt in its best shape
3. I like dressing up ( but only at times)

Three female celeb crushes
1. Beyonce ( The girl's just too curvy for her own good)
2. Eva Longoria ( She's pretty)
3. Jessica Alba

Three male celebs that make you go weak
1. Arjun Rampal ( Yummy!)
2. Cristiano Ronaldo
3. Dino Moreo ( The guy's super hot. Fell in love with him in Raaz)

Three things you want to do before you die
1. Tell everyone how much I love them ( Might as well do it now, Love you guys!)
2. Live like a princess ( Just for one day)
3, Set up a orphanage for both children as well as dogs ( Yea.. I know whoever heard of an orphanage for dogs)

Three things you would like to change about myself
1. My strange inability to be affectionate
2. My attempts to distance myself away from people
3. My extremely short attention span

Three people you would like to see take this
1. Ranitha
2. Rini
3. Rabeeah

EXTREMES

I feel sad. And I think I know why too. How I wish it was about the bloody maths paper but it isnt. And it was just yesterday I was feeling rather over the moon. Sigh. Its always about the extremes isnt it? I dont seem to be be able to settle for something in between. Then again it feelings- nobody gets a say in what they feel. I dont think im making sense. Sigh. I had better go get some rest before I start mugging for econs again. UGH.

When I finally muster up the courage to let things go, you start trying. Explicitly put- playing with my little head. Honestly, you puzzle me. One moment you act all so friendly and the next you act icy cold. What exactly are you tring to do- Striving for some balance?? Sigh.

No Promises
Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love. Every time you're near I feel like I'm in heaven, feeling high
I don't want to let go, girl. I just need you to know girl.
I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms
Here tonight
Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love. Everytime you're near I feel like I'm in heaven, feeling high
I don't want to let go, girl. I just need you you to know girl.
I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms
I don't want to run away, I want to stay forever, thru Time and Time..
No promises
I don't wanna run away, I don't wanna be alone
No Promises
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, now and forever my love
No promises
I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms
I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms
Here tonight.

For some reason or another I just love this song! Been hearing it everyday.

Idealism and realism are at two ends of the spectrum right? Then why do I feel as if they are side by side. Im falling into one or the other. Im forced to be realistic, yet at times I find myself being realistic out of my own accord. Its the circumstances I guess. But whatever it is I hate being realistic. I want to dream. Live life without without a care or worry. Alas, that's not how things work. I had better get started on my econs before I get too carried away. Sigh. Reality.

Quit messing with my brain. Stop trying to make me remember the past cause I dont want to.

I dont get it. How can you at one moment think the world of one person and then the next, your perception of him changes, all because of something he said. Maybe its my fault. Its my fault for having such high expectations. That's where the disappointment starts- when you expect too much of someone and they dont live up to it. But honestly, I cant believe he said that. Its just so not him. I thought he was different but maybe I was wrong. Terribly wrong. Sigh.

Overthink

I realised whenever I'm not doing anything, I tend to think about stuff. Weird, random stuff. And drive myself insane at the same time. Stop! Thulasi STOP! Its amazing how I can complicate something so terribly simple. Sigh. Oh well. Exams start this friday and I'm so not prepared. Simply put, I'm screwed. Screwed to the max. And here I am planning what to do once the mid year's are over. Sigh.

Yesterday's shopping trip was bad. Didnt manage to find the damn clothes for the ROM. A wasted trip to town. It wasnt as if I had fun either with my mother irritating the shit out of me. I dont get it, why does she has to be so fucking judgemental. Half the time I feel as if im performing on some freaking stage. Yes, I know she's concerned and wants the best for me. But what I dont appreciate is her poking her nose into my life. Its MY life. Which part of my life doesnt she get?? I will choose the kind of friends I hang out wit. I think im old enough to do that. I dont give a shit if she thinks my friend's a slut or a jerk. She can keep her comments to herself, I'll hang out with whoever I please. And she actually thinks its ok for her to read my messages as and when she pleases. Gosh! There's a reason why its called MY phone. She doesnt even have the courtesy to ask. Sigh. But despite all these I still love her!

Im goin shopping. Yay! But first I gotta study econs. Blech! Got to balance the fun out. Sigh.

Closure

Met Muru yesterday. Finally. It was awkward but it felt good to see him after a long time. We had a good time laughing about the stupid things we did in secondary school. The meeting went better than I had expected and it wasnt as if I had a horrible time or anything like that. But when I went home I cried my heart out. The first time I ever really cried since the day we broke up. Amazingly after that, I felt better. Whatever guilt I felt just disappeared. He's happy so there's really no reason for me to be unhappy or feel guilty. There will be lapses here and there but i'll get over it. Finally, some closure.
Aargh!!!!! I HATE mugging. It sucks. And I cant believe the holidays are comin to an end. Wasn't it just yesterday the holidays started?? Cause it sure feels like it. Sigh.

You will always have a special place in my heart .

Thursday is in two days and im starting to get the cold feet. Just yesterday, I was reading the message you sent me again. Maybe the message didnt mean anything or maybe im thinking way too much but somehow I just felt weird reading it. I know you gave me all that you had to offer and I appreciate it. I need to tell you lots of stuff but im not sure if I should. I dont even know for sure whether you have moved on. I dont want you to take a step back because of what I have to say to you. Sigh. Im terribly afraid I wont be able to handle meeting you. Aargh. Why did I have to suggest it in the first place? Me and my fantastic ideas.

Im bored.

Wisdom

Usually with age people grow wiser, make less mistakes. Apparently, that's how it is. But I find myself making more mistakes, doing all the wrong things. In short, messing up my life. That too out of my own accord.

I like to think im completely detached and that I have no place for emotions at all within me. I like to act as if I dont give a shit about anything, that nothing affects me. But that's not how things work. I am affected about every damn thing that happens for the very sole reason that im human. Though at times I would like to think im some cold blooded creature. I realised that sitting on my feelings is not a good idea. I should let them out, realise its ok to cry, deal with them and then get on with things. Keeping everything inside just suffocates me. Suffocates me to the extent that sometimes for no rhyme or reason I suddenly breakdown and scare the shit out of myself.
Live here, Live now, Live in this moment.

I feel horrible. Really horrible. I feel restless and just so darn irritated. I want to be left alone, all alone. Away from everyone. But that just aint gonna happen.
A holiday to Zimbawe is what I need. Just the trees and the animals. Maybe I may even consider staying there for good!

Rudolph

I feel awful. My head hurts and my nose is all red and stuffy. I swear I can pass off as Rudolph's cousin. Lol. Ouch! Now ma throat's starting to hurt. Sigh.

Burying everything in the deepest, darkest corner of my heart was by far the stupidest thing to do. Especially, when your heart has a limited capacity. I always thought that avoiding things was the best thing to do, simply because I was afraid to face up to every darn thing. Running away from everything and pretending that they never existed was never an option. It was an option I created for myself. So maybe I should meet him. Its not going to be pleasant and im going to have lots of answering to do. And if im gonna feel like shit or cry, so be it. I brought it upon myself anyway.
On a happier note, im going out with Rabeeah and Limeng soon. Yay! Cant wait!

Fire

I'm getting boring! Geesh.
Oh and I had a phonecall from Limeng after a long time. She wanted to find out about the fire near my block. Typical of her, she did that the last time there was a robbery too. Lol. Back to the fire, apparently, someone threw a cigarette bud into the dustbin and it caught fire. There was one hell of a commotion outside my window and my nosy mum just had to join in. She calls it bonding with the neighbours. Seriously, who bothers about bonding during a fire?? And I seriously doubt the firemen needed supporters.