I LOVE MY NAME!

I don't care if I don't look like a Thulasi. I love my name! And I can't imagine being called anything else. And I think my name's pretty hip. So there!
I'm seeing stars. Been staring at the computer screen for so long. ugh. Now I'm seeing spirals. Or something that looks like that. =/
Okay. I have had enough of being civil. I hate it when I am forced to answer to someone. Especially when I don't see the need to. How is my whereabouts of any concern to you? And let me tell you dude NOBODY demands that I answer their call. I decide that. I'll answer if I want to. And if I don't, I hope you're wise enough to know that I am so not interested in talking to you.

I feel like some hot chocolate. And subway cookies. Mmm.

Plays, bags and cockroaches

I went to watch JBJ yesterday! I enjoyed it despite it having lots to do with politics. Blah! Politics and me just don't gell. It was really good though. I feel like watching another play soon. =)
Borrowed my sister's brand new bag to carry to the play. You wouldn't believe the fuss she kicked up. She was close to murdering me. Thank god I wasn't home at that time. It's just a bag. I know its NEW. But still? Let it go for god's sake. I let her wear my brand new white shorts and my new blue ones. I don't say anything when she helps herself to all my tees. Looks like I'm the NICE one in the family! Hhmph!
There's a cockroach on the loose! =s

I feel the need to be comforted. And the only person whom I derive comfort from is not quite there anymore. And even if he was around I doubt I would want to run into his arms. I'm not weak. Toughen up then Thulasi.
I'm terribly afraid to put myself out there again. I overestimated my ability to distangle myself from all of this. Fuck.
I feel like I need to hold back, not give it my all, not wait earnestly for calls, not hope, not dream, not wish, not love.
But time and time again, I find myself waiting by my bloody phone. I check whether my ringtone is at its loudest. Place it under my pillow and attempt to sleep. Wake up every now and then in the night just to check my phone. Wonder what happened to him. Probably busy I decide. Squeeze my eyes tight and force myself back to sleep. Doesn't work. I repeatedly tell myself how strong I am. I hold on to anything I can, be it the cards, messages or the shirt I so love to go to bed in.
This was what I was so afraid of.

Space

I'm playing safe. I'm not entertaining anything. I'm drawing lines. Keep your distance. I'm keeping mine.

I MISS ME

I'm yearning for a really good conversation. Maybe that why I particularly cannot stand it when people attempt to make small talk. It annoys me. I mean do you really honestly care whether I have eaten or not?And if I haven't had my dinner, are you gonna bring me some? Obviously not. Quit thinking it's a great conversation starter! Because its NOT!
Met Devi yesterday. We were supposed to be studying but we did everything else but that! =) Thought we could meet Palli since we were near his place. But he was in Brunei. So we ended up entertaining ourselves. That was FUN!!

Skip

Kal and Josh dropped by to visit today! But I only had an hour to spare. We barely had time to catch up. But we managed to agree on one thing- school sucks. Hah. Terribly depressing Kal says. Its amazing how I manage to look so cheery! Most of the days atleast.
I didn't go for lecture again today. Which means that up to date I have skipped 5 lectures! I should have never started skipping. The next time I so much think of skipping lecture, slap me please!
Oh and yes! I spotted the cute guy today. The moment I mentioned that to my friends, all three of them jumped up and ran after him!!! I just sat there with my mouth open. Doesn't look like I'm the one who's interested in him does it? Hahah.

I need to talk to someone now. But it's 11.36 in the morning. Everyone's probably in school. I don't need to rant neither do I feel like wailing. I just need to talk.My sister's at home but she's engrossed in her magazine. Sunshine and Meowy are both sleeping. Both my aunts are cooking. So that just leaves me and my tutorials.What a way to spend a beautiful, sunny morning!

19 and Married

One of my friends is getting married. She's 19. It gets worse. To her uncle who's 40. It gets even worse. Her mother forced her into it. I didn't think such things would still be happening. At least not now and definitely not in Singapore. Imagine waking up every morning and seeing your uncle's face. Ugh. The thought of it makes me sick. Very sick. I don't get it. Why should she marry him? 19's not the age to get hitched and to someone who's more than 20 years older than her!! Will they even have anything in common? There's alot of things that they're not going to see eye to eye on. Wouldn't she want to find her own husband? Someone that she likes or something. I dunno. This just doesn't make sense to me at all.
I'm feeling extremely uncomfortable about something that has happened recently. =\ It just doesn't feel quite right now.

BROKE

$200 plus gone in one day! =\ But it was worth it. I hope.

All I can do is to keep breathing

Three months and I'm still hurting. Hah. I guessed I should have dealt with it then and there. I'm dealing with it now. Now's not the exactly the best time with school being sucky and realising I'm on my own most of the time but if I keep it in any longer I'm gonna break. I need my mother but at the same time I don't want her to know anything.

All I can do is to keep breathing. For now atleast.

Bad day. V ery bad day. =(

School

I have a pile of reading waiting for me at home but I just had to go shopping! I still haven't found a pair of shoes that I like!!!
Finally got to meet all my classmates. Pretty nice people. Everyone has problems pronouncing my name. As usual! It's always thu- what? haha. So I say call me Thuts. It's alot easier. And then I get REALLY weird looks from ALL of them!! HAHAHAH!

I HATE THURSDAYS!!!

I CANNOT last from 9- 6!!! What the hell was I thinking! At 3, I start feeling sleepy! At 4, I'm started to blabber. At 5, I feel like I'm floating. At 6, I'm seeing stars. I can't really rememeber what happened after that. haha!
I felt like skipping today's lecture but once I start I'll never stop!!

Swamped

I need to head down to town sometime this week. There's lots of stuff I have to pick up!!! But I just can't find the time. Or the energy. I need to visit the doctor, finish up TONS of readings and then pick up a pair of shoes today. They better have the ones I want!

I'm crushed. Beyond crushed actually. But I'm gonna make sure I'm gonna be fine. It's not that difficult. This has practically become my new mantra.
But the moment I think that I'm probably never going to know what's going in your life or how you're doing, I can't help but let the tears flow. Trust me, I swear I didn't know I had the capacity to be this emotional. It has always been whatever laa dee da. But this time its different.
I guess you just mean too much to me. Way too much. Oh well. I guess I'm free to bawl now. Get over things. Scream at how things are so unfair. I'm gonna take my time. But I sure wish that all this will just tide by. I love you still. Always will.
I have to thank Emiko for making things alot easier for me.