Little bit brighter

I went to watch the Harry Potter movie yesterday. Not bad. Or maybe it was because I wasn't expecting much since I fell asleep during the last Harry Potter movie. That was hilarious. I thought I was the only one feeling sleepy but Rabeeah and LiMeng looked equally zonked out.
I'm getting used to the way things are now. It's becoming easier. Time does help. That void in my life is becoming progressively smaller. Or so I would like to think so. Yes there's still the occasional tears and there's a whole lot that I miss but I guess that's the way things are. I can't spend the rest of my life moping about something that's beyond my control. It just doesn't make sense. I think I HAVE become emotionally stronger. Haha.
There's a monkey walking around my estate. Serious. But I have yet to see it!

Little Miss Sunshine?

I dunno whether I should. Or maybe i shouldn't? I want to but and the same time I don't want to. I'm wondering what it'll be like. Awkward? Comfortable? A good mix of both?
I have successfully confused myself. Yet again.

Its raining.

Crying is kinda therapeutic! I never realised that. In this two weeks, I'm gonna try and get everything out of my system. And when school starts, no more damp pillows for me. I am sad and I will be for a long time. But I'll get over it. Or atleast never think about it again. I wish..
I melted plastic in the oven yesterday and I didn't even realize it. I'm not going into details. I have no idea what the hell I was thinking about when I put the plastic container in.
My leg is aching! I can't seem to walk properly. I suspect its something to do with the ball game yesterday.

Out I go!

I have always liked being alone. But now I just don't want to be alone at all. I'm grabbing any opportunity to get out of the house. And for once, I don't want to take my phone with me. That's definitely a first!
I wish school would begin faster. I need something to keep my mind occupied.

Your physical appearance isn't what you want it to be now, but you can change that. Rocking chairs and porches are fun, but there comes a time when you have to get off your duff and in the mix. Stir up your social life. Mingle with all types. Old flames could rekindle, or new sparks could ignite.You find kids considerably more intriguing than usual -- though that's not to say you're ready for your own! It's a good time to play with nieces or nephews or just watch kids playing in the street.
And that's supposed to be my horoscope reading for the day? I have no idea what to make of it. hah.

Raindrops keep falling on my head.

Time to say goodbye

Friday was my last day at work. I can't believe that was really my last last day! I still remember how I took up this job just to pass time until I found another job. Funny how every time I wanted to leave, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Sure it was tough and the pay did not justify the shit I had to deal with. But it a way, the whole experience was fulfilling. Very fulfilling. One thing's for sure, my patience has improved tremendously. I usually like things done chop chop. I used to get really irritated when the children took half an hour to nibble their biscuits. But now, I can deal with waiting. Just don't make me wait too long! I used to wrinkle up my nose at children who crap their pants and I cannot bear touching vomit. Now, I reach out instinctively when they want to throw up. Yup right into my cupped hands. I think when you genuinely love a person; you just love them, flaws and all. You love them even when they're covered in puke from head to toe. I love each and every one of them. And I'll miss them like hell.

My grandmother's in the hospital. I don't really like her but I went to visit her nonetheless. To my surprise, I found myself stroking her hair and trying my best to ease her pain. I didn't know I had it in me since she said a lot of hurtful stuff all my life. Just because I appear nonchalant, it does not mean that I'm not hurt. Sometimes, I just desperately wish she'll love me.

I'm getting irritated with romance novels. It's all the same- unrealistic and clinched. Either that or I'm just unromantic

I miss you. But big girls don't cry yes?

Yup
Surprisingly, I didn't feel the least bit sad today! I was just really happy in fact. I guess I'll just stick with the way things are. Atleast for now. We'll see how things go.

I hate feeling disappointed. I look forward to something, sometimes with so much fervor and enthusiasm that it surprises me. And when it doesn't exactly materialize, I hit rock bottom. I don't understand why I'm putting myself through this. Then again, I don't understand anything.
Chinese lessons are fun and I'm starting to look forward to them! I’m glad they decided to change the teacher. Looks like I still have something to look forward to.

Me myself and I

I feel weird
I feel really weird. I can't find the right word to describe how I feel. So I'm settling for something ambiguous. Yup. That's it. I feel weird.

I'm gonna be fine!

Leave me alone please.
I wish everyone would just stop poking their nose into why I have been uncommunicative. What's wrong if I don't feel like talking once in awhile? And I really wish my mum would get off my back. If I'm not hungry, quit forcing me to eat. Geesh.
It's another long day at work tomorrow. I volunteered to cover Ifah. Yes I know. I volunteered. Just thought it'll beat staying at home and idling away. But once again everyone thinks I’m trying to work myself to death. An 11 hour shift is no biggie. I'm not even tired. I wish I was though.

OUCH!
I just got scratched by my cat. ( It's not technically my cat actually. We feed it and it sleeps on my doorstep but that's about it.) Major ouch man. I felt like my finger got sliced. Never liked cats! Hhmph.
I feel like going on a holiday. Just a few days out of town. But i'm not sure if anyone's up for it. Oh well.

I want to go swimming
It's okay Thulasi, it's okay. You’ll get over it. Will I really? For the first time, I’m wishing that I have swimming lessons today. But guess what? of all days, the swimming pool had to be closed today. Under normal circumstances I would have been happy but just not today. Struggling in the water and desperately trying to hold my swimming costume up is good distraction.

I have never felt this sick in my life before.

Sigh
Ever had someone who said that they love you but they don't want to get emotionally involved. Utter bullshit. Emotions form the basis of any relationship. How on earth do you work on something if you don't want to get emotionally involved? We might as well forget it. A pity since I'm trying my best to make this work. But honestly, whatever.

I feel murderous!
You know what really irritates me the shit out of me. Parents. Not mine. But that of the sweet little children I so joyfully take care of. Boy can they really test my patience. Okay so this stupid mother calls the centre up with no intention to complain apparently. But she makes not one but three complaints. First, she insists that her daughter is wearing Joy's dress and not her own. And she wants compensation for that. Honestly, how petty can one get? Clothes get mixed up all the time at childcare centres. Even an idiot will know that. But okay fine, we look into the matter, call Joy up and her maid tells us that all her uniforms are there. Hmm. Second complain- Her daughter was wearing someone else's panty. Her daughter does not wear any panties at all. And all the teachers know that so there is no way one of teachers would have given her the panty to wear. Then she mentions that her towel is missing. But she doesn't know what colour it is. On top of this, she believes that it is our fault that her daughter contracted HFMD. My boss is convinced that all the N1 teachers are dreaming thanks to her. All this does not stop here. She calls for the second time to complain that her daughter is always looking dirty. What does she expect? They're kids. Getting dirty is what they do. Be nice to the parents and when something goes wrong, they throw shit in your face. It's a pity. I don't understand. Why couldn't she have cleared all this with us earlier instead of calling the office? From now on, its just take your child and leave. I'm not gonna waste my time being nice.

To add fuel to my foul mood, every book I pick up or every tv show I watch has something to do with a break up of some sort. Talk about coincidences. I'm gonna make it work. Or at least I'm gonna try. I think for all those times I cried, I can think of a hundred other times you have made me laugh or smile. I guess just knowing that I have you in my life, even though we may not be in the same country is good enough for me. Five minute conversations, sometimes not even enough to fit everything in, meeting you once a month or sometimes even longer than that, not knowing everything single thing that happens in your life may be difficult at times. But I guess I'm willing to make do, make the necessary changes. Anything. It's just not every day you meet the right person. And definitely not one who still makes my heart beat faster even after all this while.

I guess I'll just have to make do with the way things are currently. Hah.

Reminiscing
Been feeling a little down lately. Sigh. Thank god work keeps me busy. I suspect that's why I keep putting off the date I decide to leave. Haha. I miss my babies! I don't feel like leaving!!! I need to hear their spontaneous declarations of their love for me. I need to feel their little fingers wrapped around mine. I need to roll on the floor laughing at the silly things they say. It's therapeutic. Just six months and I'm so in love with these little stangers.
We're apart but thoughts of you keep me up all night. Hah.

My family needs a little wisdom

I'm not so sure I want to get the wisdom tooth on the left side of my mouth removed as well. Who would have thought the recovery process would really hurt?! I thought the dentist was exaggerating. The swell has gone down but my mum and sisters keep laughing and making the stupidest jokes ever (I swear!) about how funny I look. First it was Ugly Betty and now this. Heavens!

Did I mention that my family's a little weird?
I tidy up my room and my mother screams at me. I'm confused. Doesn't it work the other way? I don't clean my room and she screams at me?

My sister spotted a cockroach at the dining area and screams at the top of her lungs last night. I grab the insecticide and hop all around the room chasing it. Finally, it stops moving. Yes!! And then my sister screams. Again. Apparently, I just took a life. (Actually, I took two lives. I flushed a spider down the sink a short while before that but she doesn't have to know about that.) Then she goes on and on about how I'm not going to sleep in peace for the rest of my life.

My dear darling sister also named our stray cat Moonshine. The same way she named our BLACK, MALE dog, Sunshine. I'm starting to think my family's just really bad with names.

More Random Stuff
I had a really weird dream yesterday! I dreamt that Rabeeah, Rathi and I were playing in some netball tournament. And the best part is I woke up thinking it really happened!
Every time I read any of my magazines, the only person who rushes me through it is my sister. But now my dad does it too. He's into teen vogue and cosmo girl at the moment!
Someone can mean the world to you. But sometimes, all you want to do is keep away from that person because you know that’s the best thing for you. Yup. I'm trying to keep busy but it's not working!!

Mother's day

So finally the Mother's Day celebration in school is over! Gosh. I cannot express how relieved I feel. It felt good to come home yesterday, plop myself on the couch and do ABSOLUTELY nothing at all. I have been constantly cutting, pasting, drawing, colouring and making flowers (distorted looking ones though. Their hands are all so tiny!) from the kids' handprints for the past two weeks. All the hype, buzz and noise for a mere two hour celebration. Actually, I am quite glad it was just two hours. I had to play temporary mum to three kids whose mothers weren't there just so they will not feel left out.
I have come to realise that working with my mother has actually brought us closer. I open up more to her now and we have kinda stopped arguing over every goddamn thing. I like hanging out with her. She's like my best friend, only better. From make-up advice, to being there through break-ups, to taking time-off when I'm ill, to fixing my bad hair days, to worrying about the state of my teeth (I swear that woman has an obsession with my teeth!!), I know I can count on my mum for ANYTHIN! She's like wonderwoman. There's nothing she can't do. She always manages to save my ass. Somehow. But the thing I still cannot stand is when strangers mistake her for my older sister!! I so do hope her age-defying looks are hereditary!

Random
I love the smell of joy's hair. I know I sound like a psycho but it's really nice! She's such a doll. Such a pity she has idiotic parents. If only I could adopt her!
I need Ifah back. FAST. The kids and Targit are driving me insane! Targit is such a pain to work with. All she does is complain. Complain about the weather. Complain about the food. Complain about how much milk she has to make and how a certain little girl is a witch! Whoever calls a child a witch?!! Someone's got to teach her how to handle her fustrations man!
I'm dead bored. And when that happens I feel down. So I go shopping. Spend some money. Feel happy and all so accomplished ( for some reason). And then I feel the strain on my pocket. It's a vicious cycle I tell you.
I think I need a new friend. Rock climbing anyone?


I miss you. Badly.

Updates

I haven't had much time to bum around lately. Not that I set aside time to do so. I just usually always have time to bum around. Have to go back to work soon so I’ll make this post really quick.

1) My birthday- Sucked as usual.
2) Aunt from Australia visited- I'm the only one in my family except perhaps my dad who has yet to snap at her. She can REALLY test a person's patience. Trust me on that. There are days that I just want to wring her neck! And maybe slap her a dozen times and roll her til she is as flat as a pancake.
3) Trip to Aussie land- Cancelled. Don't even ask. I really wanted to go but what the heck. There'll always be a next time. I think.
4) Work- Work's really tiring me out. My boss is just interested in getting more and more children. The fact that we have a shortage of teachers doesn't bother her. 18 hyper HYPER HYPER children and one poor me is not a pretty sight. Especially when I have mucus on my shirt, saliva on my jeans and rice in my hair. It wouldn't be that bad if they were all a little older. But the majority of them are babies!! And thank the heavens SINDA is ending this week!