I want to go swimming
It's okay Thulasi, it's okay. You’ll get over it. Will I really? For the first time, I’m wishing that I have swimming lessons today. But guess what? of all days, the swimming pool had to be closed today. Under normal circumstances I would have been happy but just not today. Struggling in the water and desperately trying to hold my swimming costume up is good distraction.

I have never felt this sick in my life before.

Sigh
Ever had someone who said that they love you but they don't want to get emotionally involved. Utter bullshit. Emotions form the basis of any relationship. How on earth do you work on something if you don't want to get emotionally involved? We might as well forget it. A pity since I'm trying my best to make this work. But honestly, whatever.

I feel murderous!
You know what really irritates me the shit out of me. Parents. Not mine. But that of the sweet little children I so joyfully take care of. Boy can they really test my patience. Okay so this stupid mother calls the centre up with no intention to complain apparently. But she makes not one but three complaints. First, she insists that her daughter is wearing Joy's dress and not her own. And she wants compensation for that. Honestly, how petty can one get? Clothes get mixed up all the time at childcare centres. Even an idiot will know that. But okay fine, we look into the matter, call Joy up and her maid tells us that all her uniforms are there. Hmm. Second complain- Her daughter was wearing someone else's panty. Her daughter does not wear any panties at all. And all the teachers know that so there is no way one of teachers would have given her the panty to wear. Then she mentions that her towel is missing. But she doesn't know what colour it is. On top of this, she believes that it is our fault that her daughter contracted HFMD. My boss is convinced that all the N1 teachers are dreaming thanks to her. All this does not stop here. She calls for the second time to complain that her daughter is always looking dirty. What does she expect? They're kids. Getting dirty is what they do. Be nice to the parents and when something goes wrong, they throw shit in your face. It's a pity. I don't understand. Why couldn't she have cleared all this with us earlier instead of calling the office? From now on, its just take your child and leave. I'm not gonna waste my time being nice.

To add fuel to my foul mood, every book I pick up or every tv show I watch has something to do with a break up of some sort. Talk about coincidences. I'm gonna make it work. Or at least I'm gonna try. I think for all those times I cried, I can think of a hundred other times you have made me laugh or smile. I guess just knowing that I have you in my life, even though we may not be in the same country is good enough for me. Five minute conversations, sometimes not even enough to fit everything in, meeting you once a month or sometimes even longer than that, not knowing everything single thing that happens in your life may be difficult at times. But I guess I'm willing to make do, make the necessary changes. Anything. It's just not every day you meet the right person. And definitely not one who still makes my heart beat faster even after all this while.

I guess I'll just have to make do with the way things are currently. Hah.

Reminiscing
Been feeling a little down lately. Sigh. Thank god work keeps me busy. I suspect that's why I keep putting off the date I decide to leave. Haha. I miss my babies! I don't feel like leaving!!! I need to hear their spontaneous declarations of their love for me. I need to feel their little fingers wrapped around mine. I need to roll on the floor laughing at the silly things they say. It's therapeutic. Just six months and I'm so in love with these little stangers.
We're apart but thoughts of you keep me up all night. Hah.

My family needs a little wisdom

I'm not so sure I want to get the wisdom tooth on the left side of my mouth removed as well. Who would have thought the recovery process would really hurt?! I thought the dentist was exaggerating. The swell has gone down but my mum and sisters keep laughing and making the stupidest jokes ever (I swear!) about how funny I look. First it was Ugly Betty and now this. Heavens!

Did I mention that my family's a little weird?
I tidy up my room and my mother screams at me. I'm confused. Doesn't it work the other way? I don't clean my room and she screams at me?

My sister spotted a cockroach at the dining area and screams at the top of her lungs last night. I grab the insecticide and hop all around the room chasing it. Finally, it stops moving. Yes!! And then my sister screams. Again. Apparently, I just took a life. (Actually, I took two lives. I flushed a spider down the sink a short while before that but she doesn't have to know about that.) Then she goes on and on about how I'm not going to sleep in peace for the rest of my life.

My dear darling sister also named our stray cat Moonshine. The same way she named our BLACK, MALE dog, Sunshine. I'm starting to think my family's just really bad with names.

More Random Stuff
I had a really weird dream yesterday! I dreamt that Rabeeah, Rathi and I were playing in some netball tournament. And the best part is I woke up thinking it really happened!
Every time I read any of my magazines, the only person who rushes me through it is my sister. But now my dad does it too. He's into teen vogue and cosmo girl at the moment!
Someone can mean the world to you. But sometimes, all you want to do is keep away from that person because you know that’s the best thing for you. Yup. I'm trying to keep busy but it's not working!!

Mother's day

So finally the Mother's Day celebration in school is over! Gosh. I cannot express how relieved I feel. It felt good to come home yesterday, plop myself on the couch and do ABSOLUTELY nothing at all. I have been constantly cutting, pasting, drawing, colouring and making flowers (distorted looking ones though. Their hands are all so tiny!) from the kids' handprints for the past two weeks. All the hype, buzz and noise for a mere two hour celebration. Actually, I am quite glad it was just two hours. I had to play temporary mum to three kids whose mothers weren't there just so they will not feel left out.
I have come to realise that working with my mother has actually brought us closer. I open up more to her now and we have kinda stopped arguing over every goddamn thing. I like hanging out with her. She's like my best friend, only better. From make-up advice, to being there through break-ups, to taking time-off when I'm ill, to fixing my bad hair days, to worrying about the state of my teeth (I swear that woman has an obsession with my teeth!!), I know I can count on my mum for ANYTHIN! She's like wonderwoman. There's nothing she can't do. She always manages to save my ass. Somehow. But the thing I still cannot stand is when strangers mistake her for my older sister!! I so do hope her age-defying looks are hereditary!

Random
I love the smell of joy's hair. I know I sound like a psycho but it's really nice! She's such a doll. Such a pity she has idiotic parents. If only I could adopt her!
I need Ifah back. FAST. The kids and Targit are driving me insane! Targit is such a pain to work with. All she does is complain. Complain about the weather. Complain about the food. Complain about how much milk she has to make and how a certain little girl is a witch! Whoever calls a child a witch?!! Someone's got to teach her how to handle her fustrations man!
I'm dead bored. And when that happens I feel down. So I go shopping. Spend some money. Feel happy and all so accomplished ( for some reason). And then I feel the strain on my pocket. It's a vicious cycle I tell you.
I think I need a new friend. Rock climbing anyone?


I miss you. Badly.

Updates

I haven't had much time to bum around lately. Not that I set aside time to do so. I just usually always have time to bum around. Have to go back to work soon so I’ll make this post really quick.

1) My birthday- Sucked as usual.
2) Aunt from Australia visited- I'm the only one in my family except perhaps my dad who has yet to snap at her. She can REALLY test a person's patience. Trust me on that. There are days that I just want to wring her neck! And maybe slap her a dozen times and roll her til she is as flat as a pancake.
3) Trip to Aussie land- Cancelled. Don't even ask. I really wanted to go but what the heck. There'll always be a next time. I think.
4) Work- Work's really tiring me out. My boss is just interested in getting more and more children. The fact that we have a shortage of teachers doesn't bother her. 18 hyper HYPER HYPER children and one poor me is not a pretty sight. Especially when I have mucus on my shirt, saliva on my jeans and rice in my hair. It wouldn't be that bad if they were all a little older. But the majority of them are babies!! And thank the heavens SINDA is ending this week!

My precious little joys


Work's been tiring me out! I have some photos of my kids here. Dear old Pops was kind enough to be my photographer!


Joy and Micole- The Best Friends

My dear little joy. She’s the reason I drag myself out of bed everyday. I love her to bits! Im really gonna miss her when I leave.

Tomi Oliver!! My hyperactive darling who’s always trying to hide in the cardboard box. Why? I have no idea. He’s away in Palestine at the moment and I miss him already!

I feel like I'm part of a jigsaw puzzle- The piece that just will not fit no matter how hard you try. I know I'll never fit in. So someone explain to me please.Why am I even bothering?

I just finished preparing the Science worksheets for my Sinda students. Tough work there!
The friendship I have with a certain someone is beginning to feel like a friendship of convenience. And I think he's the only one who's finding it convenient. Calling me when he needs something has become somewhat of a reflex action for him. He only calls me when he needs help with his bloody projects or when he needs someone to go out with or when he loses his way. I seriously have nothing against helping him. Not even when I have to change my plans to accommodate his. It's just that when I need to tell him something, he goes MIA or makes some dumb, insensitive joke about it. And this happens all the time!

Sometimes, I dont have the heart to scold my kids. Especially when they turn on their charm. Little Joshua irrtated me to the max yesterday and I REALLY felt like strangling him. But obviously I couldnt do that. So I said, '' JOSHUA KONG, YOU MAKE ME REALLY ANGRY!!" To which he replied, " And you make me very happy Miss Ram".

I have puke all over me and I am not the least bit disgusted. It smells of something I cannot quite make out. =)
I am planning to keep myself really busy with all sorts of activities so I won’t really have the time to think about unnecessary stuff. I have everything covered except the time between when my head touches my pillow until the time I fall asleep. I feel horribly miserable during that dark, lonely, depressing hour.
University choices are driving me insane. I am not really sure what I want to do.

I'll be lying if I said that I am not disappointed with my grades. I am very much disappointed. But for once I didn't feel like I should have done things this way or that way. My grades may not be fantastic but I have come a long way and I am proud of that. Pulling myself out the dumps wasn't the least bit easy but I managed it. But that definitely would not have been possible without the help of some very special people. Thank you for believing in me! And now, finally some closure.

I'm disturbed. What's the chances of it happening? All I did was pass a casual remark. Hell I make casual remarks all the time. And most of the time nothing ever happens. But yesterday everything happened right on cue!
Did I mention that the parents at my centre are driving me insane! Some mother insists that I HAVE to clean her daughter's bottom with the wipes that she so graciously provided, another looks at me and asks for the teacher ( I AM the teacher damn it) and there's one particularly irritating mother who feels that her daughter's in prison!

Okay so Valentine's Day wasn't all that bad. Much better than I had expected. It was fabulous actually! I didn't see anyone who was particularly love struck and it wasn't that crowded. But I still do think Valentine's Day is a tad bit overrated.
The results are going to be out soon. My mother goes on about how it's no big deal even if I flunk the A's. But to me it is a BIG deal. I'm afraid of failing. I'm not talking about those little setbacks, small class tests or stuff like that. Major failures get to me. After I failed my grade five piano practical, I completely stopped learning the piano. It's a shame actually. I was quite good at it. I have absolutely no idea how I screwed up. But after that I was pretty sure I never ever wanted to take piano lessons again. I'm just so afraid it's going to be the same if I mess my A's up.
I'm lost.

For some reason I always feel sad on Valentine's Day. It's not because I don't have a date or anything like that. It's just one of those unexplainable things I guess. I hate going out on Valentine's Day by the way. I feel like just to walk through town; I have to battle a whole bunch of love sick couples. Ugh.
Happy Valentine's Day!

Gosh! I feel so darn stupid for falling for your sob story. I let my guard down once and people take advantage of it. Ugh. I'm disgusted. With myself.
Oh and im heartbroken, devastated and goodness knows what else. The love of my life- Wentworth Miller is gay! Or so people claim. Please tell me its not true!
And is finding a cookie jar that darn difficult???

It's weird how things turn out. What you expect never happens and what you were positive will NEVER EVER EVER happen, happens. I had nothing to lose and I secretly thought I had nothing to gain as well.Boy, wasn't I wrong! I am just glad I did what I did. I have never been happier.