Your Bittersweet

2009-07-06T00:22:00.000+08:00

you gotta go there to come back

sometimes you just have to re-visit the old to move ahead with the times. It's been awhile since I have been back here. Okay I lie. I visit this page everyday. Sometimes, it's to remind myself of the events that have taken place over the last 3 years and sometimes its to remind myself of who I am and who I have become. The last 3 years have been nothing short of amazing(yes you heard right). I learnt how to love like I have never done before. I had my heart broken. Many times in fact. I fucked up on the education front. But there's something about those 3 years that I will always hold dear to my heart.
I chose the above picture because it basically sums up the entire 3 years. That day was something wasn't it boobsie? I can safely say that it was my favouritest bit of the entire 3 years.:D
But while its been fun taking a trip back into the past, here's to the rest of my life to which I await with great anticipation.

thulasi
7th June 2009

2009-02-07T00:17:00.004+08:00

Let's quit while we're still ahead

Dear love,

I have been searching for the right words since forever. I miss you. I don't want to say goodbye and it almost feels like I won't have to. You have left a part of yourself behind with me. But yes, we can't do this any longer. I understand that just because I love with you all that I am, it doesn’t mean that we should be together again. Our lives are so different right now and will continue to be on different paths indefinitely. I love you. There I said it.

Love,
Thuls

I'm ready to leave this part of me behind. I remember thinking how I wanted my last post to be different. I dont think I managed to pull that off. But it doesn't matter.
goodbye.
(:

2009-01-14T21:28:00.002+08:00

Run like there's no tomorrow.

Emotions are messy. Take it from me.

2008-12-30T21:56:00.012+08:00

Tonight, you're the lone ranger

After awhile, you finally realise that no knight in shining armor is going to ride in and pick up the pieces for you.
After awhile, you realise you're on your own. Flying solo.
You're going to have to pick up the pieces, wipe the tears away and trudge through life like a brave soldier. All this in hope of a better tomorrow. So dont lose faith my friend. Tomorrow will be better because tomorrow you'll be a stronger person.

I love you. Always have and always will.

2008-12-29T19:55:00.002+08:00

We might as well be strangers

I want a love like me thinking of you thinking of me thinking of you type love or me telling my friends more than I've ever admitted to myself about how I feel about you type love or hating how jealous you are but loving how much you want me all to yourself type love. Or seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name.

And shit-

I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you and I barely made it out of my garage.

See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep then wonder if she's dreaming about us being in love type love or who loves the other more or what she's doing at this exact moment or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts.
Closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good could just hurt so much when she's not there and shit, I love not knowing where this love is headed type love.

And check this-

I wanna place those little post-it notes all around the house so she never forgets how much I love her type love,
Then not have enough ink in my pen to write all the love type love and hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel.
And I wanna deal with my friends making fun of me the way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love type love.

The only difference is this is one of those real love type loves.

And just like in high school I wanna spend hours on the phone not saying shit and then fall asleep and then wake up with her right next to me and smell her all up in my covers type love.
And I wanna try counting the ways I love her then lose count in the middle just so I could start all over again.

And I wanna celebrate one of those one-month anniversaries even though they ain't really anniversaries but doing it just 'cause it makes her happy type love.

And check this-

I wanna fall in love with the melody the phone plays when our numbers dial in type love and talk to you until I lose my breath, she leaves me breathless, but with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me.

I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer 'cause in all honesty, I want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type love.
And I don't want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are. I mean the lines on my palms don't give me enough time to love you as long as I'd like to type love.
And I want a love that makes me st-st-st-stutter just thinking about how strong this love is type love and I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair. Well maybe not all of the hair, maybe like I'd cut the split ends and trim my mustache but it would still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her.

I kind of feel comfortable now so I even be fantasize about walking out on a green light just dying to get hit by a car just so I could lose my memory, get transported to some third world country just to get treated and somehow meet up again with you so I could fall in love with you in a different language and see if it still feels the same type love.

I want a love that's as unexplainable as she is.

-Shihan, This type love.

2008-12-09T21:15:00.002+08:00

As we know it

I can't think of a single reason why I should stay. I do however, have a gazillion reasons why I should turn and run for my dear life. I should quit while its early. Get out while we're still way ahead. But here's the thing. This mess I have here, let's just say it has become a real part of me. And I'm not willing to part with it. Atleast not yet.

2008-12-06T13:16:00.003+08:00

My favourite mistake

Once again, my nonchalence scares me. I dont know how I do it. In a room, surrounded by people writing furiously, I think nothing of putting my pen down. I think nothing of staring out of the window when I'm nowhere near done. I watch the rain. And finally for the first time this entire semester, I felt at peace. With an incomplete paper in my hand.

2008-11-26T18:19:00.002+08:00

Who do you live for?

Up and down the street poured the Saturday afternoon crowd; mothers bent on finding perfect autumn overcoats, men in greasy tweed hats, bored suburban girls bringing £9.99 bargains to show off to friends. From here I could hear the familiar queasy mix of at least three buskers; that interminable "Annie's Song" on flute, I thought, and the man with the African drums, and a brass band. I watched the ground; the reddish bricks disappeared and reappeared as the feet and coats rushed over them.

Minnie would definitely get a ticket now. I realized that I didn't care if she got three tickets and was towed away. The sound of the flute lifted for a bar or two above the clang of the brass band, and I was happy. Perversely, incredulously, momentarily happy.

When it was gone and the wave had dropped my feet down hard against the pavement, the crowd looked different to me. The shoppers were no more likable, but they did have faces. It came into my head that everyone on this street had either gone through a loss more or less equivalent to mine, or would do so by the end of their life. Some would have it easier, some worse, some over and over.

Imagine if a giant hand in the sky gestured us to stop, this minute, figures frozen halfway through a stride or a sentence, all along Grafton Street. If the hand gestured for us to tell what was really preoccupying us, then death would be on every second mouth: "My mam's gone for more tests," one would admit, and the next, "Well my uncle and my teacher went last year," and another, "Our first was stillborn," and another, "I've a feeling this Christmas might be my last." I wanted to make everyone sit down on the sun-warmed pavement, arranging their bags and bundles round them, and turn to their neighbour to talk of this huge headline hanging over us. Who have you lost to death, they would ask each other, who are you afraid of losing, who were you glad to see taken, and when do you think death might come for you? The brass band should be playing a triumphant funeral march, and the sun should be making skeleton shadows of our bodies on the gaps of pavement between the groups. The signs behind the polished glass fronts should say, "How many shopping days left?" It made no sense to be talking about anything else. And why did we pretend to be strangers when we were all webbed together by the people we had lost and the short future we had in common?

Through the crowd I saw a girl running down the street. Only the back of her; all I could make out was a rusty head of hair, catching the light whenever she emerged from a building's shadow. Probably running for a bus, or twenty-five minutes late to meet a friend at Bewley's. She had almost disappeared into the wide mouth of the crowd; I saw something moving but wasn't sure if it was her. My eyes let her slip.

The crowd was swirling, no longer frozen in my vision. It was Saturday afternoon, and there were coats to be tried on and teacups to drain.

Hood
Emma Donoghue

2008-11-21T13:22:00.008+08:00

Please don't make me go

The little girl did not want to go to sleep in a neighbour's house unless the bedroom door was left open."Why, you're not afraid of the dark- a big girl like you?" the neighbour teased.
"Yes, I am," the little girl cried.
"But you're not afraid of the dark at your house."
"I know,"answered the girl, "but that's my dark."
-anonymous story-

I may loathe it at times. And more often than not, it consumes me. But it's what I'm used to.
And when all fails, I still have my dark to run back to.

2008-11-06T01:42:00.003+08:00

You can be my everyday

Everything's beautiful. The sky's a rich shade of blue and my hair's dancing in the breeze. I'm smiling. I'm grateful for yesterday, for today and I will be grateful for tomorrow. Pity I'm detached from it all.
I'm at a loss love.

2008-10-31T17:30:00.002+08:00

All that you can't leave behind.

I like being in love with you.
sigh.

2008-10-23T22:47:00.003+08:00

Unopened letters to the World

a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
dear penpal, how are you? hope you are fine. Anyway how's school?did you get your test marks back yet?well, there's nothing much to say. Did you know i went to my friends place at bukit timah? Her mother fetched us in a station wagon and then she drove us to Han's for lunch. Do you know she gave my friend a $50 note and asked her to have lunch?

thuls says:
HAHAH OMG I WROTE THIS????

a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
We had lunch(just the 4 of us)(meaning me, Jia qian, Gurveen and Liying).Then we drove to her house. I nearly fainted when I saw her house, it was beautiful. So, what's new?

thuls says:
omg i did

a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
Are you having any stress? I'm very scared about the BCG and the PSLE. Does your teacher want you to go to remedials. oops i forgot to ask you how your prefect job getting along. Good i suppose! does it affect your studies? well let me tell you a story(sort of)

thuls says:
OMG STOP!

thuls says:
hahahahahahahahahah

thuls says:
i feel like digging a hole and burying myself!

a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
One day my teacher was going to her friend's house which was on the 21st story. She pressed the "door close" but a boy of 21 or in his twenties slipped through. He did not know what button to press and press 19 and he kept looking at her. She felt very uncomfortable. She was pregnant with her first child, jacqueline. But her stomach was not big at all. Then..

a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
call me to find out the rest!

a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
OMG CLASSIC!TELL ME STORY HALFWAY AND SAY CALL ME TO FIND OUT THE REST

a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
scared i never call you is it?

thuls says:
HAHAHAH

a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
HAHHAHAHAHA
LOSER

thuls says:
I DONT REMEMBER EH

thuls says:
ASS!

a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
YEA DAMMIT

thuls says:
-_-

a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
now i wanna know the damn story!!!

thuls says:
but i cant remember it myself!

thuls says:
=(

a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
so sad. I was cleaning my whole room today. All the drawers everything and i found this. I wanted to die laughing

thuls says:
HAHAHA

thuls says:
i can just imagine! =/

a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
wah then i read the last part i was like omg THUTS WAS IRRITATING EVEN THEN. HAHAHAHAHAH

2008-10-12T23:38:00.002+08:00

Between order and randomness

Sometimes you feel euphoric. Everything is sublime and has an aura, and suddenly you are intensely nauseated and then you are gone.
- The Time Traveler's Wife-

2008-10-07T22:14:00.001+08:00

You have dug your own grave, now lie in it.

Don't. You'll ruin it.

Ruin what?

This. Us.

Don't you want to know?

No.

Why not?

I don't know.

You're afraid.

No. I'm not.

You are.

What's there to be afraid of love?
There's no way back.

2008-09-27T23:21:00.002+08:00

It's alright ma (I'm only bleeding)

'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat.
'We're all mad here.
I'm mad. You're mad.'

-Alice in Wonderland-

2008-09-18T13:29:00.001+08:00

Take me back to the start

I'm waiting for that sickening thud at the end of all of this. And hopefully that jolts me back to reality.
gah. I hate school.

2008-09-07T22:59:00.002+08:00

You stop to wonder why you're here not there

It was familiar. That's as far as it goes. sigh.

I like long hair. I like men. Together, bone-shudderingly wrong.
-The chocolate run-
Took that right out of my mouth! (:

2008-08-26T23:45:00.003+08:00

What do you go home to?

You would think with every goodbye said, saying goodbye would come almost naturally. Far from it. I loathe you for not being able to say goodbye when you should have. I'm not going to make the same mistake. This feels surreal. And part of me feels like things would be back to normal tomorrow. Like they always do. But I guess enough is enough.
Dear God, give me the strength to get through this. My heart feels like it is going to break. My eyes are sore and I feel like caving in.
Goodbye my friend. I'll miss you.

2008-08-08T22:37:00.002+08:00

The search for something more

There we go again.
SIGH.

2008-08-03T23:14:00.000+08:00

Nothing left but to say goodbye

This too shall pass. =(

2008-08-02T16:56:00.003+08:00

It gets the worst at night

The things that matter, we forget and those that don't, we remember all so well. Funny ain't it?
I hate having stomach cramps. The cramps are getting a hell lot more bearable. I no longer have to writher on my bed like a spastic snake. But they're still pretty much there so bummer for me.
Friday with the kids:
We spent a good 15 minutes deciding who farted cause the room really stank. seriously. ugh. Productive class time don't you think!
The kids are amazing at remembering things. Maybe I should have kept that in mind when I screamed fuck after slamming my knee into the wooden table. The whole bunch of them started chanting that after me! And that was when it was almost time for them to go home!!! Imagine what would have happened if their parents had walked in on them chanting fuck! *shudders* There goes my job man. Actually on second thought, that doesn't sound too bad an idea does it now?
And yes it gets the worst at night. =(
I love lazy Saturday afternoons. When you're dead bored, you end up blogging about boring, random stuff. gah. I AM boring.

2008-07-25T22:47:00.003+08:00

Can't stop this thing we have started

I miss work already. Gah.

I'm part of you indefinitely.

2008-07-15T21:51:00.001+08:00

The places that you have come to fear the most

I have a jelly belly.
:(

2008-07-12T14:02:00.003+08:00

The Leavers Dance

When someone is in your heart, they're never really truly gone. They can come back to you, even at unlikely times.
-For One More Day-

Tell me about it.

2008-06-28T23:29:00.004+08:00

Running to stand still

I know it's not perfect, but it's life. Life is messy sometimes.
-Grey's Anatomy-

Messy is an understatement isn't it?

2008-06-24T22:05:00.003+08:00

Some you give away

How do you know when irrational exuberance has unduly escalated the practical, *yawn* boring side?
I like how everyone assumes that I am governed by my whims. And to make things clear, I am not running away this time. I am merely doing what I feel I should be doing. I have thought about the consequences and I acknowledge them. So I guess that's that.

2008-06-17T15:30:00.001+08:00

My way home is through you

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
-Maya Angelou-

Uh-huh

2008-06-14T23:30:00.001+08:00

Let the reigns go loose. Yea right.

Well here's the shit. I dont quite know who or what to believe anymore. The benefit of the doubt card's being used a tad too often. And I'm being steered in a direction that I am pretty sure that I wouldn't like to head in.
Time to tighten the reins Thuls.

2008-06-10T00:00:00.002+08:00

What comes after the blues

We create our own circumstances by our choices. And with the kind of choices I have made and the impending circumstances that I have landed myself into, Devi has never judged me. Not once.
She calls me after weeks to run an apparently bizarre idea pass me in her drugged state (She's down with the flu) and somehow the call just makes my day.
And as usual, she provides me with another of her 'live vicariously through thuls plans' which I don't quite take too but that's besides the point. Her ingenious plans (as always) leaves us both in giggles. I miss her!

Here's why I love her. -_-
1)She decided to set us both up, one v-day with these two guys. (She has never met these guys. She knew nothing about them except for the fact that they were skinheads! I later found out that they had pretty notorious reputations. A small fact she forgot to add she claims. *slaps forehead*)
2) She named her drawing of the penis after me.
3) She convinced an entire bunch of SAJC guys that I has a sex change in Thailand. And they actually believed her.
4) She gives my number out to random guys. All because she thinks I should have a little fun.
5) She never lets me (or anyone for that matter) forget about the time I fell right smack into the mud.

2008-06-08T19:48:00.006+08:00

"I slept with someone in fall out boy and all I got was this stupid song written about me"

Thulasi says:
i'm in love!
Thulasi says:
with chace!
joyce.†*~ says:
hahah WHO?
joyce.†*~ says:
rephrase: who is it THIS TIME
Thulasi says:
the dude in my dp!
joyce.†*~ says:
he looks vaguely familiar
joyce.†*~ says:
is he from GOSSIP GIRL
Thulasi says:
YES!
Thulasi says:
the official love of my life!
joyce.†*~ says:
hahaa looks like SOMEONE has been watching it already!
joyce.†*~ says:
he's nathan right
Thulasi says:
LOL
Thulasi says:
yesss
Thulasi says:
i am watching it now!
joyce.†*~ says:
uhohhh ADDICT IN THE MAKING
Thulasi says:
YES
Thulasi says:
i'm addicted
Thulasi says:
and so so in love
Thulasi says:
i can hear the wedding bells already!
joyce.†*~ says:
hahah oh goodness
joyce.†*~ says:
have u ALREADY forgotten abt ur past love JAMES
Thulasi says:
bye james!
joyce.†*~ says:
GASP
joyce.†*~ says:
FICKLE WOMAN
Thulasi says:
yes yes
Thulasi says:
i know
Thulasi says:
but this time i'm sure!
Thulasi says:
very sure
joyce.†*~ says:
poor james
Thulasi says:
yes yes
Thulasi says:
he's crying his heart out now
Thulasi says:
but he'll get over it
Thulasi says:
just the same way how wenty ( that's my nick for wentworth btw) got over it
Thulasi says:
poor jamesy!
Thulasi says:
sigh
joyce.†*~ says:
HAHA WENTY?!!
joyce.†*~ says:
wenty is GAY
Thulasi says:
oh that was before he turned gay
Thulasi says:
didnt you hear?!?!
he was so heartbrokened that he turned to men after i left
Thulasi says:
poor dude. he was devastated!
joyce.†*~ says:
OHHH yes yes that must be it
joyce.†*~ says:
u lil heartbreaker, you!
Thulasi says:
yes of course!
Thulasi says:
nah. it just happens
Thulasi says:
these things
Thulasi says:
SIGHS
joyce.†*~ says:
this uncontrollable, voracious appeal u have on men
joyce.†*~ says:
tsk tsk
Thulasi says:
yes yes
Thulasi says:
they find my chubbiness adorable
Thulasi says:
funny huh
Thulasi says:
esp when they have those leggy stick like creatures around them
Thulasi says:
i think people refer to them as models!
Thulasi says:
yes that's it
joyce.†*~ says:
oh goodness i saw a string of those things jaywalking today in orchard rd
joyce.†*~ says:
utterly disgusting.
Thulasi says:
yes yes
Thulasi says:
weird looking things
Thulasi says:
unnatural i must say
joyce.†*~ says:
like daddylonglegs

I miss you momo! :(

2008-06-08T19:48:00.004+08:00

Ashes of dreams you let die

And so I got all worried for no reason. Things are the still very much the same.
I love you guys.(:

2008-06-05T00:16:00.000+08:00

The trick is to keep breathing

So I was at work, handing out forms for a parenting talk and then one of my student's mother comes up to me and asks for my good name. That kinda caught me off guard. I stared at her blankly for a good five seconds. She must have have thought that I was retarded or something. But really now what the hell is a good name?! Why couldn't she asked for it the way normal people would have?
And then the senior teacher insists that she monitors me while I shut the windows. Seriously. Does she think I have never seen a window in my life before or something?!?! And let's say that in the event that I haven't seen window (that's highly unlikely but this is hypothetical so practically anything goes), how difficult can shutting the windows be?! It's practically idiot-proof! Goodness. These people will be the death of me.
I need shoes! More shoes rather. I love shoes the way Carrie Bradshaw loves them! Who can forget the Sex and the City episode in which she begs a mugger to take everything but her precious, strappy Blahniks! I would have done the same!
Another long day at work tomorrow. Gah.

All I can do is to keep breathing. That works out fine for me. Well for now atleast.

2008-06-03T00:20:00.000+08:00

Over the hills and far away

It's horribly exhausting to be incessantly worrying about doing the right thing. Be it about what I am going to major in to how I should deal with a certain issue or rather a good handful of issues or simply just whether I really should have taken that last cookie.
The summer's turning out to be the worst holiday I ever had. I haven't seen my friends in ages. I'm terribly broke. I spend most of my time at work. Yes I'm growing to love the kids. But I hate how they run the centre. There isn't a system and that irks me. I like things organised! I go in everyday and they're like do what ever you want. Okay that suits me just fine. But this whatever I want comes with restrictions. As to how that works, I really have no idea. Honestly, sometimes I just feel like throttling the coordinator. Really.
Rabeeah and I are meeting Siti this Saturday. Well atleast that's the plan. Funny how I'm not the least bit excited about seeing Siti. I haven't seen her in what four year? I'm actually not too keen on meeting her. Funny huh since most of my best memories were made with her- From band practices, to sports day to calling the orphanage and pretending to be her form teacher so that we could go out to hanging out at her class to 'two weeks boyfriends' to soccer matches to sly planning so that I could have a lone moment with my crush to outrageous stories created and told to the operations manager. Maybe I want to leave those memories at that. It's been four years. God knows what might have changed during that time.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMO!

2008-06-01T22:00:00.007+08:00

You Gotta Go There To Come Back

<333

2008-05-30T23:25:00.002+08:00

The sky just got a whole lot brighter

She cares.
And that's all that really matters.
I love you babe. (:

2008-05-29T20:50:00.002+08:00

=(

Let's say I tell my mother that I don't have my results for last sem because the system jammed up. And so my results were erased from the system and there is absolutely no chance of ever getting them back!
You think she'll buy it?

2008-05-29T12:05:00.001+08:00

In threes

Twist to the right
And then turn to the left
Be careful now. It's fragile.
Yes that's it.
Red. Blue. Green. Yellow
I have seen them all. Felt them all
A change of hands
Now you try.
It's easy. She's easy.
My heart- The Rubrik Cube.

2008-05-24T19:44:00.003+08:00

Paint me the pretty picture

I love thee, I love but thee
With a love that shall not die
Till the sun grows cold
And the stars grow old.
~ Willam Shakespeare ~

2008-05-22T16:38:00.004+08:00

“If I were the moon, I know where I would fall down”

In the face of all that we can lose in a day, in an instance, wonder what the hell it is that makes us hold it all together.
Meredith Grey

The reality's some pretty powerful stuff. Funny how you only realise that when you're totally disconnected from everything that matters to you. Yesterday was refreshing. I miss that. Quite abit. That serene feeling lasted for what 5 hours and then before I knew it I was thrown back into what I detest the most- reality. Oh well. Atleast on the bright side (whatever little there is of it left), I think I might actually know what I want! =)

I need a job! Fast!

2008-05-20T20:47:00.003+08:00

Meet Stuffy-Muffy!

I love you stuffy! (although we haven't really met but what the heck yes?) =)

I'm losing everything I believe in. Talk about being random huh? Okay so maybe I'm not being random. I'm confusing myself. Yes that's it. I'm confused. Ah much better.

2008-05-15T14:00:00.000+08:00

2008-05-13T23:12:00.003+08:00

Move through the world as though it offers no resistance

I can't pretend I am unnerved by what happened just now. I can't keep pretending anymore. For that split second, I felt real. Something I haven't felt in a bit. The nonchalent act's wearing off. Fear. Anger. Guilt. Disgust. Helplessness. You name it. I felt it all. Just in that fraction of that second. Overwhelming? Yes pretty much.
It's not funny anymore. Especially when your mother begs that you get your act together. I don't know. How did I let myself mess up this much? My pirorities have gone awry. Nothing bothers me anymore. And that's not a good thing. I do what makes ME happy for the moment. Fuck the consequences. Fuck the people who matter. How did I let it go this far?
And yes my dear mother I am cold and heartless. You couldn't have put it any better if I must say so myself.

2008-05-10T22:36:00.004+08:00

All that matters

Yea sure I dont know what I'm doing and neither do you. Fair enough. I have always envisioned things to be a beguiling mix of both the ordinary and the extraodinary. And I am living that. I'm making mistakes and learning from them. I'm living for the moment. And as scary as that might be, I'm discovering different aspects of myself that I never knew about.
So go on then, continue judging me. Tell me I'm an impulsive, irrational wreck. Tell me I'm screwing up my life. Why stop at thinking all these stuff yes? Hah.

come home soon button. =(

2008-05-09T21:05:00.002+08:00

The Becoming

My exams are over. I have 3 months free. With absolutely nothing to do. And yet I dont feel the slightest bit happy. gah.

2008-05-05T22:14:00.004+08:00

I'm weird

You know you're weird,

when you get emo while watching BINGO.

when you spend a good 15 minutes trying to raise one eyebrow while keeping the other down.

when you refuse to believe that Eygpt is part of Africa even though you know its true.

when you watch the same episode of America's Next Top Model 23 times JUST to hear Jade talk about her brunetteness and to hear the rest of her extensive vocabulary!

when you believe the weather's in sync with your mood swings.

when you think Csikszentmihalyi is the coolest name ever.

2008-05-04T01:17:00.003+08:00

Mess

I am one big mess. I'm breaking promises. I'm doing things that I shouldn't be doing. I'm hurting the very person who means the world to me. I'm fucking up. Real bad.

2008-05-01T00:45:00.003+08:00

Six and a half days

The bloody coordinator from work pissed me off. Like seriously what the hell is wrong with her???
My paper sucked. Big time. I couldnt make sense of anything.
Stuffed my face with doughnuts in a desperate attempt to lift my low spirits. I ended up feeling worse. That is of course after I figured out how much calories the doughnuts contained! That round thing in my middle (I think it was previously referred to as my tummy) is expanding. At an alarming rate.
I am a little confused now.
And the person that I would really like to talk to now is MIA.
Sigh. I love my life.

2008-04-28T17:25:00.001+08:00

UGH

Exams I beg you, be gone!

2008-04-26T19:38:00.002+08:00

*sighs*

It felt right. Nice even. But only for that fleeting moment. And then it all sinks in. As always. It's becoming somewhat of a ritual. I have to constantly keep myself in check. Trust me the last thing I want to do right now is to screw up. And it doesn't help that there's always some shadow or another lurking in the background.

2008-04-24T16:12:00.004+08:00

The other side of this life (Part 2)

Thank you for making things a hell lot better!

Here's to more nausea-inducing names, pointless debates on just about everything, soccer lessons, good food, shopping escapades and of course emo moments at our little emo spot!

Mucho love my dear friend! =)

P.S how about passing me the shirt you bought for me sometime soon huh!

2008-04-22T22:09:00.002+08:00

Of all the things to mull over!

Sigmund Freud is said to have pondered over this on his deathbed, "Women-what do they want?"
Men. *rolls eyes* Of all the questions to ask, he decides to ask the very one question that even most women themselves are clueless about. And that too on his deathbed! A little late to be figuring out the fairer sex ain't it? Geesh man.

I miss you! =)

2008-04-19T23:11:00.002+08:00

Breathe

Gah. I am feeling horribly overwhelmed!

2008-04-16T18:18:00.002+08:00

=/

Okay so maybe I kinda overreacted. But that's nothing out of the ordinary for me. My name's pretty much synonymous with the dramatic.

2008-04-14T22:57:00.002+08:00

The heart of the matter

'The first time I ever saw Becky Bloomwood...' He pauses, a tiny smile on his lips. 'She was asking a bank marketing department why they didnt produce a cheque-book in different colours.'
'The next year they did produce chequebooks covers in different colours. Becky's instincts match no one else's. Becky has ideas no one else has. Her mind goes to places no one else's does. And sometimes I'm lucky enough to go along with her.' Luke's eyes meet mine, soft and warm. 'Yes she shops. Yes she does crazy things. But she makes me laugh. She makes me enjoy life. And I love her more than anything else in this world.'

Sophie Kinsella

I want to be able to do that someday.

2008-04-13T21:40:00.002+08:00

Band-aids cover the bullet hole

I feel all trampled over. Betrayed even. Hah. Oh well. I should have seen it coming. So whatever.
I think I more or less know what I am going to do. And since its about my fucking happiness here, I don't see the need to provide any explanations whatsoever for my actions. To anyone for that matter.
I am hurt. But I'll get over it.

2008-04-11T01:09:00.002+08:00

Blues for sister someone

We're dying aren't we now? Raking up the past was never a good idea. It forces you to question the basis of what we shared. There wasn't much was there? Strangely, I always thought there was. Something that no one else shared.

2008-04-10T00:12:00.000+08:00

....

This too will pass yes?

2008-04-08T14:47:00.003+08:00

Deterioration of the Fight or Flight response

I don't know myself inside out. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want to do in the future. Hell I don't even know what my favourite colour is. But what I do know is that I know myself way better than you do. So please quit thinking that you know me inside out. Cause frankly you don't. Don't try to figure me out. Don't try to contextualize my every action or every word that I utter. I cannot stress how much that annoys me.

2008-04-06T22:21:00.002+08:00

The BIG 2-0

Turning 20 has been nothing short of amazing! I'm desperately hoping this year's gonna be a lot better. I need it to be better.

2008-04-04T00:15:00.004+08:00

Break on through

I had the most productive day ever. *rolls eyes*
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother going to school!
The day started off with Cnm tutorial. During which I completely zonked out. C'mon it was 10 am! I had no idea what everyone was rambling on and on about!
Skipped Perfumes and Cosmetics. As usual. What's new?
Had a conversation with Joyce about herself. Her exact words were, "I think we should talk about me!" And so we did.
Explained to Sam about my closet skank status. Oh wait, I'm in the open now!
Contemplated marrying a fishmonger. For some weird reason I thought it'll be cool to be a fishmonger's wife!
Debated quite a bit on what I should major in. Yes I still have no clue.
Went for Malay lecture. Had another mini picnic.
Waltzed off to Vivo. Joyce and I were searching for a blue eyeliner. We ended up doing a little grocery shopping as well. I bought cereals! =)
I got home and slept for a good 2 hours. I kinda woke up at 9 actually. But I simply refused to get up then. I actually thought I had school. So I pretended to oversleep. (It works. All the time!) I somehow managed to overlook the fact that it was 9pm! And besides I don't even have school on Fridays! So I have no idea what exactly I was trying to do! Talk about being disorientated. Geesh.

I'm turning 20. I'm ageing. I'm gonna get all wrinkly and droopy in no time! =(

Okay. The truth is, I don't like any of this. Not one bit.

2008-03-30T20:50:00.002+08:00

Into you like a train

Some of the best things in life are total mistakes. Trust me if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't wanna change anything. Not one bit at all. I may not like who I have become or agree with what I am doing right now. But there's something I have taken away from this mess. And in due time, I hope I get my act together. Preferably sooner.

The BIG 2-0's approaching! UGH.

2008-03-29T13:26:00.003+08:00

=]

Nutella=cellulite
Cheese=muffin top
Cheese crackers (I had 17 of them mind you)= 1 fat but HAPPY
thuls

Funny how I still don't get it huh!

2008-03-25T01:02:00.002+08:00

The self-destruct button

If only anyone knew how fucking difficult this is. I mean really. Nothing bright and sunny is gonna come out of this. I have a gazillion obligations, a good number of promises that I cannot and will not break and a hell lot of personal issues of my own to sort out. I don't have time to think of what I want let alone of what I'm doing. I'm getting scared. I don't want to mess up.

2008-03-22T00:29:00.007+08:00

Straits Kitchen

2008-03-18T13:56:00.001+08:00

=((((((

Breathe Thuls breathe.

2008-03-15T02:45:00.002+08:00

From a whisper to a scream

I want to do this by myself. Alone. And contrary to what everyone thinks, I can handle this. I want to do it my way. And I want to make sure it's the right way. So I pray thee, let me. Let me handle this my way.

2008-03-13T22:26:00.004+08:00

She keeps me grounded

a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
this is as babies
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
guess who's who
thuls says:
you're the brown one! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
to now
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
hehe yea im zee brown one
thuls says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
thuls says:
Love the peektures!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
hahahah
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
merci beacoup
thuls says:
and I LOVE YOU
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
hehe i do too(:

2008-03-13T00:28:00.000+08:00

The other side of this life :)

2008-03-11T01:39:00.003+08:00

Scars and Souvenirs

It feels like the scab on my knee. I'm always picking at it when I know I shouldn't be doing so. Scars never go away. They serve as a reminder-of what you should not have done. Or rather what you should have done. But I love how I'm always left with a personalised souvenir. My very own souvenir to myself.
Hamlet wasn't the only one with the dilemma. Gah.

2008-03-07T00:57:00.004+08:00

Wasted

Standing at the back door
She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood
It fell like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away
And you just can't get it back
Let's face it

For one split second
She almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops
Back into a cloud
So she took another step and said
I see the way out and I'm gonna take it

I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Another glass of whisky but it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Gotta face it.

Cause I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

She kept drivin along
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while

Hey, yeah,
Oh, I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

Oh, I don't wanna spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted

Yeah, yeah
Oh I don't wanna keep on wishing, missing
The still of the morning, the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted

Wasted
Carrie Underwoods.

This is what I feel like now- wasted.

2008-03-04T00:52:00.002+08:00

When all fails.. GROW A BOYFRIEND!!

Meet Chace Mooki!

He's perfect. Well almost. Blue's not exactly his best colour and I'm not exactly crazy about his groovy blue hair-do. But I'll make do! I mean c'mon right? The guy NEVER argues! What's a little blue hair!

2008-03-01T15:29:00.004+08:00

Didn't we almost have it all?

I'll like to think I almost had everything. I don't know what's going on with me anymore. I really don't.

2008-02-29T18:58:00.000+08:00

=(

I miss button!

2008-02-26T00:15:00.001+08:00

Don't Forget To Remember Me

Tonight I find myself kneeling by the bed to pray
I haven't done this in a while
So I don't know what to say but
Lord I feel so small sometimes in this big old place
Yeah, I know there are more important things,
But don't forget to remember me.

Don't forget to remember me
Carrie Underwoods

2008-02-25T15:33:00.005+08:00

Monday Blues at its worst

I hate Mondays. I feel all so depressed and unmotivated. Especially when I have to go to school on MONDAY during RECESS WEEK for a 10am class. During which I completely zonked out. And of course, the tutor had to pick this fine day to work my brain. Unfortunately, my brain refused to cooperate. Oh and did I mention that I couldn't find ANYTHING this morning? My contacts, my t-shirt, my cardigan, my ASSIGNMENT and of course my shoes. Nothing. I ended up being late and horribly mismatched.
AND I got lost again. This would make it the third time this week. First, at the pyschology department on Monday (I ended up in some dark stairwell), then at the Engineering Faculty on Thursday (I ended up in the gas chamber) and at SGH today.
Actually, I can't decide whether I hate Mondays or Sundays more.

2008-02-24T17:04:00.003+08:00

Tell me sweet little lies

You don't know a good thing
Until its gone.
And found someone else.
Right. Hah.

2008-02-18T16:55:00.006+08:00

Staring at the Sun

I feel like I'm on a permanent high. I'm dealing. In the worst way possible. But I'm dealing. And that's all that really matters isn't it?

2008-02-16T21:53:00.005+08:00

We're at it again!

Thulasi says:
ah you're here!
Thulasi says:
let's run away
Thulasi says:
to france
Thulasi says:
we'll be farmers!
Thulasi says:
what say you??
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
france aint nice
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
lets go to italy and be gypsies!
Thulasi says:
okay!
Thulasi says:
brilliant plan!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
okay so when do we leave?!
Thulasi says:
i say tomorrow
Thulasi says:
let's pack our bags this instant!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
okayyyyyy!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
okay what do we bring
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
lets discuss
Thulasi says:
scarves!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
its spring there now right!
Thulasi says:
BIG hoop earrings
Thulasi says:
is it?
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
but if we're staying till winter we gotta bring winter clothes
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
shoesssss!
Thulasi says:
oh yea
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
bags
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
lots and lots of pretty clothes!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
its italy!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
SHADES
Thulasi says:
but we're gypsies!
Thulasi says:
we're supposed to look mismatched!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
yea true that
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
but then again we may need to pick pockets here and there
Thulasi says:
ah yes
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
so we need shades to disguise ourselves!
Thulasi says:
so we need to look like we fit in!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
yesyes
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
thank god we dont need bronzers to do the trick!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
our skin colours ought to do
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
HAHAH
Thulasi says:
yes we're all nice and bronze already!
Thulasi says:
do we have to look ugly?!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
nooooo
Thulasi says:
cause i would relly like to look pretty
Thulasi says:
really*
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
gypsies are usually quite pretty
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
!
Thulasi says:
but the ones i have seen are all scruffy and evil looking!
Thulasi says:
i want to be a nice pretty one!
Thulasi says:
you can be the evil one!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
we'll be the exception!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
NO
Thulasi says:
how about that!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
DONT BE MEAN
Thulasi says:
hahahahah
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
then you go yourself
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
hmph
Thulasi says:
oh no dont do this to me
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
say you'll be the evil one and ill go
Thulasi says:
i might get abducted if i go alone
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
quick
Thulasi says:
what?!
Thulasi says:
okay okay
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
if not you go aloneeeeeee
Thulasi says:
i'll be the evil one
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
haha YES!
Thulasi says:
i'll secretly be nice!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
hahah
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
fineee
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
what else what else!
Thulasi says:
hmm..
Thulasi says:
what else do we need?
Thulasi says:
can i hire escorts?!
Thulasi says:
winks
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
ewwww
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
dont need to hire
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
the bees will come where there is honey
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
hawhaw
Thulasi says:
mmmm.. i is loving this
Thulasi says:
the gypsy life!
Thulasi says:
no tutorials. no lectures. no projects.
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
yessss
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
no boys to worry about cos there'll be so many there!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
we'll be freeeeeeee
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
and happyyyy
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
i wanttttttt
Thulasi says:
me too
Thulasi says:
shall we leave this mundane life behind and run!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
yes of course!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
tomorrow meet me at changi airport at 11!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
ill sneak out when my mum's at the market
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
we'll see what happens from there!
Thulasi says:
okay!
Thulasi says:
i'll get my mum to go to the shop at that time!
Thulasi says:
shall i bring sunshine?
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
NO
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
he's too big
Thulasi says:
whyyyy???
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
he'll give us away!
Thulasi says:
we can shrink him!
Thulasi says:
stuff him into a bag or smth!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
okay let me cast a spell now~
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
itsybitsyspidershrinksunshiney!!boomboom
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
is sunshine small yet!!
Thulasi says:
oh my!
Thulasi says:
yes he is!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
oh YES!
Thulasi says:
he looks like a rat!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
it worked!
Thulasi says:
yes it did!
Thulasi says:
well done gypsy!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
i must remember to bring my wand to italy!
Thulasi says:
oh oh we need new names!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
oh yess!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
thusithulla!
Thulasi says:
ewwww
Thulasi says:
something a little more sexy please!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
thulabella!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
thusibella?
Thulasi says:
HAHAHAH
Thulasi says:
not working for me still!
Thulasi says:
you can be ranbun!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
what!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
it sounds like a name you'll name sunshine!
Thulasi says:
oh no not very gypsy sounding is it?
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
Thulasi says:
okay i'll try again!
Thulasi says:
how about ranzella!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
okay!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
it sounds niceeeeeee
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
yay!
Thulasi says:
sister of godzilla!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
HEY
Thulasi says:
HAHHAHAH
Thulasi says:
oops i meant gonzilla
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
im ZELLA NOT ZILLA
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
whos gonzilla?!
Thulasi says:
same difference!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
HAHAHAHAH
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
its GODZILLA
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
stupidddddd
Thulasi says:
whatever that ugly thing is called!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
youre THUZILLA!
Thulasi says:
keshini told me it was the other one!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
its decided then!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
yay!
Thulasi says:
okay ranzella!
Thulasi says:
brb i need to bathe!
Thulasi says:
i dont want to bathe tml!
Thulasi says:
gypsies smell bad right?
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
NO
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
ewww
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
you dirty girl
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
shoo go bathe
Thulasi says:
but dont they always look dirty?
Thulasi says:
i bet they smell too ranzella!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
noo they dont!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
you can be the dirty gypsy if you like
Thulasi says:
no no
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
im not going to!
Thulasi says:
i prefer to look clean
Thulasi says:
and smell nice
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
then the guys will run away form you and ill have them all for myself!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
yay!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
be dirty be dirty!
Thulasi says:
that is NOT gonna happen!
Thulasi says:
we share!
Thulasi says:
SHARE!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
you're the one who wanted to be dirtyyyyyyy
Thulasi says:
no i thought that we're supposed to be dirty!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
nooooooooooooooooooooooooo
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
no
Thulasi says:
okay fine
Thulasi says:
i'll smell them in Italy!
Thulasi says:
and then we'll see who's right!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
yea of courseeee
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
we need our long flowery skirtsss
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
or any long flowy skirts for that matter
Thulasi says:
i hate long stuff!
Thulasi says:
i like skirts short!
Thulasi says:
but i'll settle for long ones
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
but gypsies dont wear short skirts doofus!
Thulasi says:
true that
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
they'll think youre a skank if you wear a short skirt
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
HAHAH
Thulasi says:
LOL
Thulasi says:
oh dear
Thulasi says:
ITALY! here we come!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
yea baybeh!
Thulasi says:
with our long flowy skirts
Thulasi says:
big hoops
Thulasi says:
scarves
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
our bronzed skins
Thulasi says:
ah yes
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
nice namessss
Thulasi says:
love it!
Thulasi says:
just think!
Thulasi says:
all the men waiting there for us!
Thulasi says:
i bet they'll find us exotic!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
and much more than just men!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
they get boring after a while
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
-yawn-
Thulasi says:
yes
Thulasi says:
men are boring!
Thulasi says:
not to mention gross
Thulasi says:
FOOD!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
OH YES
Thulasi says:
food will be my best friend! my bestest friend!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
endless amounts of pasta and the likes
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
yummyyyyyyyyyy
Thulasi says:
let's stay home and eat all day!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
of course food will be your number 2 best friend!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
IM FIRST
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
NO
Thulasi says:
no one will see our tummies under the flowy skirts!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
we need to pick pockets to earn $$ to buy food dummy
Thulasi says:
oh yea!
Thulasi says:
oops
Thulasi says:
it'll be like oliver twist!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
albeit more eggciting ill like ot think!
Thulasi says:
i cant wait!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
yea!
Thulasi says:
have you packed all your stuff?
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
im packing!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
i just chose my suitcase
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
its HUGE
Thulasi says:
i cant find a scruffy looking one!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
so i can dump everything inside
Thulasi says:
that's a good thing!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
we aint goanna bring it ard so we can chuck it at the hotel
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
no one will see!
Thulasi says:
we stay at the hotel?!
Thulasi says:
i was thinking more like somewhere in the woods
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
for the first day!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
so we can eat and enjoy at least for the first day before we set off
Thulasi says:
ah okay
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
and gypsies dont stay in the woods woman!
Thulasi says:
they dont?!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
they stay in caravans!
Thulasi says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
i think
HAHAHA
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
but im positive they dont stay in the woods
Thulasi says:
the caravans are stationed in the woods arent they?
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
noo!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
they are in those funfair like bazaars!
Thulasi says:
Right. I knew that!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
yea im sureeeeeeee thuzilla
Thulasi says:
hahahaha
Thulasi says:
alrightey ranzella i'm off to pack!
Thulasi says:
see you tml! 11 at changi!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
please specify changi airport
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
just changi is soooo
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
wrong
Thulasi says:
HAHAHAHAHA
Thulasi says:
changi airport!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
aye be there on time!
Thulasi says:
i'm always on time!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
alright bonsoir!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
(i dont know italian so ill use french for the time being=D)
Thulasi says:
i know neither!
Thulasi says:
will malay do?
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
yea sure!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
who cares
Thulasi says:
BYE RANZELLA!
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
BYE THUZILLA
a dark silhouette against a bright background says:
tomorrow is THE day!

This reminds me of the time we planned to tour EUROPE after our PSLE! That was one hell of a good plan! I actually drew up a list of things to bring for that! Too bad we never got to go!

2008-02-15T23:46:00.003+08:00

I LOVE TOYS'R'US!

Devi, lost under the HUGE cap

I love Ariel!

I had so much fun at TOYS'R'US!

2008-02-14T15:46:00.001+08:00

Presenting CANDIE!

We were bored.

2008-02-12T22:38:00.000+08:00

:)

I'll find it one day. Just not now I guess.

2008-02-08T23:41:00.000+08:00

Burnt

Never blow-dry your hair and text at the same time. The hair-dryer deserves your undivided attention. I had to learn that the hard way. I managed to get my hair stuck in the hair-dryer TWICE. And now the ends are burnt. Horribly Charred in fact. Oh well.

2008-02-03T19:32:00.000+08:00

Siva Annah

Chairs being thrown about. The Oorvasi song and the weird dance choregraphed to that. The zoo outing. The annual beach trips. The Birthday Parties. Harry Potter. MacDonald's. The best decision I ever made in my life and what you taught me about it. ( Now that I think about it, I'm glad you interferred. Really I am. I would probably be stuck in the same rut had you not). The chocolates, chips and coke. Our love for animals- Hugo, Prince, Princess and Sunshine. The over-protectiveness ( I know you meant well).

We have grown apart over the years. I'm never home when you drop by to visit. And even when I am, we always manage to disagree on something. The last three days were awesome. I had a chance to relive those moments again. And as strange as it may be, I'll miss you annah.

2008-02-01T15:45:00.000+08:00

The Good Old Days

These are just some of the photos I found while looking for photos for Siva Annah's wedding reception.

My Birthday.

At the Zoo.

Dawn and Siva Annah

Haarveen and me. I was a little retarded back then too.

Siva Annah. Me. Dinesh. Haarv. Nantha Annah

I think we were at Terengganu.

I remember this oh so damn well! I was having a cold. So I wasn't allowed to have anything. BUT my dear mum made sure they had a constant supply of coke as well as ice cream! Grrr...

Keshini

2008-01-29T20:36:00.000+08:00

Random nothings

1) I'm beyond pissed. Especially when I had to wait three and a half hours (Yes THREE AND A HALF HOURS) for an ass who decides a minute before I meet him that he's actually feeling kinda tired. Grrrr.. I could have used that time to sleep! THREE AND A HALF HOURS of sleep would have done me good! Oh and did I mention that meeting up was his idea in the first place.
2) I swore 11 times today. That's a record for me. Since I hardly swear much.
3) My hair is destined to remain the way it is- Boring.
4) I spent an hour in Vivo and 45 Minutes in Tekka. All alone. Yea I know I am a loser.
5) I went to school for a mere half an hour.

2008-01-24T22:17:00.000+08:00

Testing 1-2-3

I miss the kiddies at the centre. I miss knowing what its like to have sisters- Sisters whom I can share the most intimate details of my life with. I miss seeing home as something more than a lodge. I miss my secret cupboard space. I miss my ugly BUT comfortable blue jeans. I miss playing the piano. I miss my labels. I miss trying. I miss me. Yea. I miss me.

2008-01-23T20:43:00.000+08:00

I wanna run away!

Retail therapy didn't work. Neither did the chocolates. Nor the sleep. Gah. I hate school! I'm considering running away and joining the circus!
RIP Heath Ledger.

2008-01-19T00:19:00.000+08:00

I fell

Expectations set you up for the biggest fall ever. And its difficult to walk away from that fall unscathed. Very difficult. But it is equally diffcult to declare that you have no expectations whatsoever. Cause in truth, everyone has expectations. Be it conscious or unconscious. I am not doing the right thing am I?

2008-01-11T14:00:00.000+08:00

Everything about nothing

School starts on Monday.
I had a fall out with my sister.
And to top it all off, I am STILL very much confused.

I am not being fair. Yes I know. And I'm not particularly comfortable with that. Everyone deserves a chance. But I don't want to take that chance. I don't want to take any more chances actually.

2008-01-09T15:17:00.000+08:00

Joy Anandha

She makes me REALLY happy!

2008-01-05T23:55:00.000+08:00

A walk to remember

I can turn and run the other direction right now. But I'm not going to. I am scared. Sure. But then again who isn't?

2008-01-04T13:43:00.000+08:00

I need some pushing!

I should run. Right about now actually. But my butt's glued to the couch. I can't move. Or rather I don't want to. I'm fine with being pudgy! I think. Atleast til I realise how flabby my arms are. Gah.

2008-01-03T00:11:00.000+08:00

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I’m not cute or built to suit a model’s fashion size
But when I start to tell them
They think I’m telling lies.
I say
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips
The stride of my steps
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please
And to a man
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees
Then they swarm around me
A hive of honey bees.
I say
It’s the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth
The swing of my waist
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say
It’s in the arch of my back
The sun of my smile
The ride of my breasts
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say
It’s in the click of my heels
The bend of my hair
The palm of my hand
The need for my care.
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally
Phenomenal woman
That’s me.

Maya Angelou

I just love this piece! Beautiful ain't it?

2007-12-30T23:35:00.000+08:00

All over again

And so 2007 is about to come to an end. I must say the year passed by pretty fast. Yet 2007 has been one of my more eventful years.
I discovered aspects of myself that I never knew about.
I started school.
I realised how much I love children.
I worked for the first time in my life.
I learnt about relationships- how they work, how I wanted them to work and how they actually work.
I faced my deepest fears head-on.
Star gazing by the beach was an amazing experience.
I learnt to accept things as they were.
I cried lots.
I learnt to be grateful.
I lied. And I'm not exactly proud of that.
I learnt to let things go.
Sunshine is now hot-dog.
I learnt to forgive.
I opened up to someone I hardly knew. That still surprises me.
I learnt to believe in myself.
Spirit week was embarassing yet memorable. I love my red soccer socks. Now all I need is another chance to wear it!
I changed my mind a gazillion times.
I considered getting a piercing and a tattoo.
Meowy became an unofficial part of our family.
I made tons of new friends.
I did something I usually would have never considered doing.

Well I guess that pretty much sums up 2007. It has been a year of bittersweet moments. Yes a year of my bittersweet moments. I can't wait for 2008! An entire new year. 365 more days of bittersweet experiences. I don't usually believe in new year resolutions. But for 2008 I hope I learn to be a better person.

Happy New Year everybody!

2007-12-23T13:55:00.001+08:00

Blood's thicker than water huh?

I hate extended family gatherings. I hate having to sit in one corner with a plastic smile plastered on my face. Not that I am the only one doing the whole plastic act. I hate not being able to be myself. I hate having to associate with people I don't have a single thing in common with. I hate having to restrain myself from saying the wrong things. I hate how everything I say or do is being judged. The only reason we're family is because we don't have much of a choice. Other than that, there's nothing binding us. Nothing at all.

I miss you dude. Sigh. Funny how I still think of you after all these years. Oh well. I just hope all is well with you. Much love my dear friend.

2007-12-22T13:19:00.000+08:00

Rudolph the red nose reindeer

I'm pretty sure I can pass off as Rudolph now with all the trauma my poor nose has gone through. Days before Christmas and I have to fall sick!! The only good thing that has come out of falling ill is not being able to go to Jb! =)

Yesterday's magic show was brilliant. It was meant for the kids but I think I was the one who was in awe half the time!

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-18T21:12:00.000+08:00

=/

I can't possibly be having a mid-life crisis now can I? Nah. I think terming it my quarter life- crisis woud be more appropriate. Yes that's it! I'm having a quarter-life crisis. Gah.
You know I would really like to talk to a stranger right about now. Don't ask. We'll just dismiss it as being part of my quarter-life crisis.

2007-12-16T14:39:00.000+08:00

Haarveen's Birthday!

And so yes, Haarveen's finally 18! Finally.

Haarveen can never keep her eyes open for long. I really don't know why!

The yummy tapas

Mum and Dad.

I just realised! Keshini's missing!

2007-12-15T21:06:00.000+08:00

I should be shot!

Haarveen's right. I should be shot dead. Hitler stlyle.
And here's why. More reasons to add to the already never ending list.
1) Today, while walking through town, I got really irritated with the old woman in front of me who was walking at an excruciating slow pace. I should be shot yes? She was an OLD woman who probably had trouble walking.
2) I am self-centered.
3) I am a bad sister. Just ask Keshini. She'll agree on that.
There's more but I'll stop here. I shouldn't give Haarveen more reasons to prove her point!

Boundaries don't keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That's how we are made. And so you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them.
Meredith Grey
Grey's Anatomy

I feel like I have wasted a hell lot of time keeping people out. I have missed out on so much with all the lines that I have drawn. I don't think I'll ever know what's it like to have a best friend- the kind that every other person has (not my definition of one). I don't think I have ever ventured into my intimate thoughts with anyone. I don't think I'll know what it is like to be downright honest with what I feel or think. I'm terribly afraid of people being up close. I don't quite know why. I guess I just feel safer that way.

2007-12-13T19:56:00.000+08:00

I surrender!

It's official- I am a goner. And you know what? I give up! =)